Why So Much Division around Covid Issues?
08/10/21 Filed in: Values
A while back I saw on someone’s social media page a cut-and-paste post that supported his position on one of the present-day Covid related controversies. The re-poster then called everyone who disagreed with him a sheep.
Hmmmmm. So if I accept your position without doing my own thinking I’m not a sheep, but I if reject your position, even if I’ve really thought about it, I am a sheep. Seems like a lose-lose situation for me.
It got me thinking about why people are so divided on all the issues around Covid right now. Mask or not? Vax or not? Government conspiracy or not? And the list goes on. There doesn’t really seem to be a lot of middle ground on the issues these days. What’s happening?
It is interesting to me how many people have become experts in areas where they have no training at all. I just don’t know how many soccer moms, store clerks, church leaders, or truck drivers have been able to become immunologists, doctors, science researchers, or health specialists. The online battles then aren’t really about who has the best science. This isn’t about sharing and defending personal research in these areas.
Then what is this about? Why are people so strong in their views? Why are people so ready to defend as gospel truth an opinion of a person they have never met? Why do people choose out of ALL the variety of positions to repost only certain ones?
It’s about values.
We all have them. Even if we don’t know what they are, we have them. And they affect every part of our life every day…like what we choose to believe about all the Covid stuff.
In a sense, because of your values, you were ready to take a side before Covid was even a thing. Look back at your past posts and positions. They more than likely already had the same tone as what you have now. Your statements around politics, sports, food, family, pets, etc. will all have reflected your values.
Do you value Freedom? Do you hate the idea of anyone telling you what to do? Then you probably are strongly against the government mandating anything.
Do you value Unconventionality? Do you like to stand out in a crowd? Then you probably are going to take whatever position is the most unpopular.
Do you value Peace? Do you strive to keep everyone around you happy? Then you probably are going to choose the position that is most accepted by those you value.
And there’s nothing wrong with this…except that many won’t own up to the fact that they are making choices based on their own values rather than personal scientific research.
So have your strong beliefs. But own the fact that you have them because they line up with what you already value. And then be gracious enough to allow someone with different values to have different opinions…without calling them a sheep!
Hmmmmm. So if I accept your position without doing my own thinking I’m not a sheep, but I if reject your position, even if I’ve really thought about it, I am a sheep. Seems like a lose-lose situation for me.
It is interesting to me how many people have become experts in areas where they have no training at all. I just don’t know how many soccer moms, store clerks, church leaders, or truck drivers have been able to become immunologists, doctors, science researchers, or health specialists. The online battles then aren’t really about who has the best science. This isn’t about sharing and defending personal research in these areas.
Then what is this about? Why are people so strong in their views? Why are people so ready to defend as gospel truth an opinion of a person they have never met? Why do people choose out of ALL the variety of positions to repost only certain ones?
It’s about values.
We all have them. Even if we don’t know what they are, we have them. And they affect every part of our life every day…like what we choose to believe about all the Covid stuff.
In a sense, because of your values, you were ready to take a side before Covid was even a thing. Look back at your past posts and positions. They more than likely already had the same tone as what you have now. Your statements around politics, sports, food, family, pets, etc. will all have reflected your values.
Do you value Freedom? Do you hate the idea of anyone telling you what to do? Then you probably are strongly against the government mandating anything.
Do you value Unconventionality? Do you like to stand out in a crowd? Then you probably are going to take whatever position is the most unpopular.
Do you value Peace? Do you strive to keep everyone around you happy? Then you probably are going to choose the position that is most accepted by those you value.
And there’s nothing wrong with this…except that many won’t own up to the fact that they are making choices based on their own values rather than personal scientific research.
So have your strong beliefs. But own the fact that you have them because they line up with what you already value. And then be gracious enough to allow someone with different values to have different opinions…without calling them a sheep!
A Word About Overthinking
“There’s too much overthinking going on.”
“We don’t want to overthink this.”
“Do you think we’re overthinking?”
I hear people in the counselling room saying similar things about the issues they’re going through.
“I think I overthink too much.”
“My wife's problem is that she is overthinking about what I say to her.”
“How do I stop overthinking about this?”
In actuality, I don’t think most people’s problem is overthinking; I think it is underthinking!
Follow my logic for a moment:
Problem event: “I might lose my job because the business isn’t making money during this pandemic.”
Responding thought process:
- “What will happen if I lose my job?”
- “I’ll lose my house – I’ll get kicked out on the streets – the government will take my kids away – I’ll have to steal to get food – I’ll get arrested and thrown in prison – I’ll die all alone!”
- "Help! I’m overthinking!!!!"
- The business does have savings that can be tapped into.
- The government is giving some help to businesses to help pay their employees
- The business leaders are pretty creative and can find some other ways for the business to make money during this pandemic.
- I do have some personal savings I can rely on
- My expenses are way down meaning the money I do have will last longer
- The banks are offering mortgage holidays to help people in my situation which will keep me from losing my house
- I have some pretty marketable skills and will probably be able to find another job pretty quickly
The hypothetical overthinker who ended up dying in prison alone actually under-thought the possibilities. This person only thought long enough to find one possible financial impact of the pandemic rather than creating a list of possibilities.
If you are struggling in this way, can I invite you to consider a different way of thinking through problems?
- Identify the problem event. Be clear on what is actually happening – not what you think might be happening.
- Identify all the possible reasons or results for what has happened. All of them. Every single possibility – even if you think it is ridiculous.
- Now go back through your list and give a general percentage of how possible that thought might be.
- For example:
- I’m going to lose my house and be out on the street (5%)
- I do have some personal savings I can rely on (25%)
- My expenses are way down meaning the money I do have will last longer (75%)
- The banks are offering mortgage holidays to help people in my situation which will keep me from losing my house (90%)
- I have some pretty marketable skills and will probably be able to find another job pretty quickly (75%)
So if you get caught up in an “overthinking trail”, stop and ask yourself if you are actually underthinking the possibilities. Get a piece of paper, write all the stuff, give it a percentage, and then take a breath, reminding yourself that most of what we fear never actually happens.
11 Anxiety Hacks That Psychologists Swear By
12/03/20 Filed in: Anxiety
I recently read an article on dealing with anxiety. With all that is going on in our world today, there are certainly many opportunities to practice what is written in the article! Here is the link: 11 Anxiety Hacks I invite you to read it.
Having said that, I want to list the 11 tools they mention and make a few personal comments about them.
Do Your Research
Often anxiety is about the unknown. Getting information about issues can be really helpful. For example, our family dog just had a stroke. He’s not that old either. We imagined that this was going to be the end of him, and we were already preparing for the heartbreak of having to put him down. But a quick trip to the vet and a few Google articles later, we had a much better understanding of canine strokes, and have a much better view of the future of our little friend.
Say it Out Loud
I especially like what the article said about stating, “Oh, this is my anxiety again.” There certainly is some brain stuff going on when you speak out loud, but I also like the activity of separating you from the anxiety. You are not anxiety. Anxiety is not you. It is something you are facing, but it is not your identity.
Hold an Ice Cube
This was a new one for me, but it makes sense. It’s all about changing what your mind is focussing on.
Take a Step Outside
Going for a short, brisk walk where you’re breathing fresh air can do wonders for giving your mind and body a restart.
Drink Something Hot
This has the same effect as holding an ice cube. I’ve heard stories of how WWII British soldiers would stop in the middle of battle to brew some tea. I always thought it was just because it was a customary part of that culture. But I wonder if they knew something back then about how a hot cup of tea helps in quieting anxiety.
Sniff a Soothing Scent
“Pick a smell that you associate with relaxation”. Mine is…sulphur! That is because years ago we took a family trip to
Rotorua, a city with a lot of volcanic ground vents. We had a fantastic time as a family, and now every time I smell sulphur, I am reminded of how relaxed we were. And now the smell relaxes me! You might have a more pleasing aroma that does the same; tap into it when you are feeling anxious.
Set Aside Time to Worry
I’ve worked with people who have used some object to represent the issue causing anxiety. When they need a break from it, they will lay the object down somewhere and promise to come back and pick it up later to deal with it. It has worked for them.
Write About Your Anxiety
I’ve written here about the huge benefits of journaling. If you haven’t yet tried this activity, I beg you to give it a go. It is much more beneficial than a lot of people think.
Remember to Breathe
In this article they give an exercise to do: breathe in for the count of 5, hold for a count of 2, breathe out for a count of 10. (I use 3-2-7 in my practice.) Three keys for this are as follows: (1) Breathe deeply and fill the bottom part of your lungs. If you struggle with this, imagine filling a balloon with air that is in your stomach, or imagine breathing in through your belly button. (2) Focus on the numbers. Visualise them. When I practice this, my mental numbers are like thick pieces of cotton that are orange and brown. I don’t know why those colours (they’re not my favourite by a long shot), but it helps for me to picture those numbers as I’m counting them. This is all about redirecting your mind away from focussing on anxiety. (3) Repeat the breathing 10-20 times. Doing this just a few times will not have the effect needed to deal with most anxiety.
Bring Yourself Back to Reality
“Grounding” is the popular word used for this technique. The article gives the standard tool for doing this. The benefit of doing this is bringing yourself back to what is rather than what if.
Slow Down
If we ever needed a worldwide mantra right now, this is it! Again, the article gives some suggestions on how to slow down. Can I give one more? Get off your phone! Checking Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. may feel relaxing, but it is not. Later, I’m going to write a blog post about what phone scrolling is really doing to your life. But you can do a simple search online and find scads of articles that will show you how important it is to find disconnect time between you and your phone.
We live in a world that gives us many opportunities to respond with anxiety. But using these simple tools can give us what we need to manage anxiety and keep living life the way we want.
Having said that, I want to list the 11 tools they mention and make a few personal comments about them.
Do Your Research
Often anxiety is about the unknown. Getting information about issues can be really helpful. For example, our family dog just had a stroke. He’s not that old either. We imagined that this was going to be the end of him, and we were already preparing for the heartbreak of having to put him down. But a quick trip to the vet and a few Google articles later, we had a much better understanding of canine strokes, and have a much better view of the future of our little friend.
Say it Out Loud
I especially like what the article said about stating, “Oh, this is my anxiety again.” There certainly is some brain stuff going on when you speak out loud, but I also like the activity of separating you from the anxiety. You are not anxiety. Anxiety is not you. It is something you are facing, but it is not your identity.
Hold an Ice Cube
This was a new one for me, but it makes sense. It’s all about changing what your mind is focussing on.
Take a Step Outside
Going for a short, brisk walk where you’re breathing fresh air can do wonders for giving your mind and body a restart.
Drink Something Hot
This has the same effect as holding an ice cube. I’ve heard stories of how WWII British soldiers would stop in the middle of battle to brew some tea. I always thought it was just because it was a customary part of that culture. But I wonder if they knew something back then about how a hot cup of tea helps in quieting anxiety.
Sniff a Soothing Scent
“Pick a smell that you associate with relaxation”. Mine is…sulphur! That is because years ago we took a family trip to
Set Aside Time to Worry
I’ve worked with people who have used some object to represent the issue causing anxiety. When they need a break from it, they will lay the object down somewhere and promise to come back and pick it up later to deal with it. It has worked for them.
Write About Your Anxiety
I’ve written here about the huge benefits of journaling. If you haven’t yet tried this activity, I beg you to give it a go. It is much more beneficial than a lot of people think.
Remember to Breathe
In this article they give an exercise to do: breathe in for the count of 5, hold for a count of 2, breathe out for a count of 10. (I use 3-2-7 in my practice.) Three keys for this are as follows: (1) Breathe deeply and fill the bottom part of your lungs. If you struggle with this, imagine filling a balloon with air that is in your stomach, or imagine breathing in through your belly button. (2) Focus on the numbers. Visualise them. When I practice this, my mental numbers are like thick pieces of cotton that are orange and brown. I don’t know why those colours (they’re not my favourite by a long shot), but it helps for me to picture those numbers as I’m counting them. This is all about redirecting your mind away from focussing on anxiety. (3) Repeat the breathing 10-20 times. Doing this just a few times will not have the effect needed to deal with most anxiety.
Bring Yourself Back to Reality
“Grounding” is the popular word used for this technique. The article gives the standard tool for doing this. The benefit of doing this is bringing yourself back to what is rather than what if.
Slow Down
If we ever needed a worldwide mantra right now, this is it! Again, the article gives some suggestions on how to slow down. Can I give one more? Get off your phone! Checking Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. may feel relaxing, but it is not. Later, I’m going to write a blog post about what phone scrolling is really doing to your life. But you can do a simple search online and find scads of articles that will show you how important it is to find disconnect time between you and your phone.
We live in a world that gives us many opportunities to respond with anxiety. But using these simple tools can give us what we need to manage anxiety and keep living life the way we want.
Lessons from a Hike (3)
19/11/19 Filed in: Change
When I did the Waikaremoana Great Walk, I came up with 15 analogies to making life changes. I fully expected to write about all 15, but I’m ready to move on to other topics. However, I do want to focus on three more today, and then I’ll list the rest of the analogies at the end, giving you the opportunity to develop your own thoughts around them.
So far, we have looked at the following:
7. Refuse to quit. I have never considered myself to be a quitter. I’m just too stubborn, and maybe have too much pride. But I’ll tell you, I would have quit on the second day of the hike in a heartbeat if I could have! As I mentioned earlier, I had started out too quickly, with too much weight, and with too little preparation. I had fallen and broken one of my highly necessary hiking poles. I was dehydrated and
therefore not eating enough. I had not slept well the first night in my cold, wet tent. My legs were constantly on the verge of cramp and collapse. And finally, I was looking at a 500 metre climb the following day. Partway through that second day, I was telling myself that as soon as I got a cell signal, I was going to call for a water taxi to come pick me up at the next stop. However, I never did get a signal. One of the fellow campers even offered to use his personal locator beacon to call for a rescue, and while I did give it a couple of seconds in thought, I realised this was not a rescue situation. I had only one option available to me – keep walking the next day.
I was surprised at how ready I was to quit. As I look back on it now, I’m embarrassed a bit that I was so ready to quit. I didn’t quit on that walk because I had no way of doing so. What the experience has caused me to do is to think about what I needed on that day to take away the mental desire to quit. And more importantly, how does that translate to the discussion about life changes?
In the hiking community there are a handful of suggestions in helping people avoid the quit. And they convert well to life changes.
8. Take care of yourself. That second night, once I realised I had no choice but to continue on, I took stock of what I needed. I put the focus on rehydrating myself first. That took a bit of effort: I had to get water, decontaminate it, drink it down, and then repeat the process. It sounds simple, but at this point, nothing was simple for me. It took a concerted focus. Then I needed to get some food in me. Again, it was not easy and it was the last thing I really wanted to do. But I took the time to prepare the food, sat down, and just focussed on getting the food down. I refused to stop when it got hard because I knew I needed to get some energy. Last, I needed rest! Because I’m a pretty skilled snorer (I choose to see that as a strength) I was asked to not sleep in the bunk room. Instead, I was asked to sleep in the common room – where the cooking, dining, and conversing took place. But I needed sleep. So I pulled out a mattress, asked a couple of people if they could make space for me, put in my ear plugs, and promptly fell asleep in the middle of all that. What mattered to me most that evening was that I needed to take care of myself and give myself the opportunity to continue the journey the next day.
Self-care is a buzz word in the counselling community these days, and justifiably so. Frankly, our society right now stinks at taking care of itself. We hardly ever have quiet moments that give us the opportunity to recharge. And when we do have quiet moments, what’s the first thing we often turn to? The phone and all its capabilities of providing noise and distraction to our already over stressed brain. Listen, making life changes is hard work! You NEED to take care of yourself! You need to rest and recharge. You need quiet times of reflection. If you are going to be successful in making the changes you want to make, you must take care of yourself. And it won’t always be convenient! Sometimes you just have to make it happen, regardless of how you feel or how inconvenient it may be to do so. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself. And then do it!
9. Celebrate the victories. I’ve talked about all the difficulties I had on that journey, but it did end well. I did make the 500 metre climb to the top of Panekire. The sign at the beginning of the day’s walk said that it would take me four hours to make it to the top. I did it in 3 hours 45 minutes. It was a long, rainy day where I was alone most of the time. But when I got to the top, there were four of my fellow hikers there to greet me and congratulate me for
making it. Even though it was still raining and there were no views to speak of, I stood outside for a bit and just enjoyed the reality of having made it. Yes, there was still one more day to go and that would be climbing back down those 500 metres. But instead of thinking too much about that, I just celebrated the fact that I had made it to the top. The next morning, the sun was out, the views were great, and I was looking forward to another four hours of walking.
Too often, when we are in the middle of the change process, we can get so focussed on either the difficulties or the reality that we still have not achieved all of our goals, that we forget to celebrate the victories along the way. Perhaps you have gone several days without giving into your addiction. Or you responded to a stressful situation with calm rather than anger. Or you were able to journal about your feelings in a therapeutic way. Or you lost a half kilo after a week of hard work. Whatever the progress, whether it is what you would consider big or small, it is still progress! So celebrate it. Allow yourself the joy of knowing that you are still moving toward your goal. There are not many better places you can find motivation that acknowledging the progress you’ve already made. Are you giving yourself those well-deserved pats on the back?
Beyond these nine analogies, I came up with some others. Perhaps you can spend some time developing these for yourself. I would also like to encourage you to look at some of your own personal life experiences and think about what you have learned through them that you can apply to the change processes you are going through. Working from what you know to what you don’t know can be a great way of expanding your creativity in moving forward.
Here are the rest of my analogies from the Great Walk:
10. In the really hard places, just put one foot in front of the other and repeat.
11. When you fall down, get back up.
12. Find a mantra that keeps you focussed on your journey.
13. When you feel lost – stop, relax, and slowly work your way back to being found.
14. Use one positive change to set yourself up for another positive change.
15. Protect the new changes by continuing to move forward.
By the way, I completed the Walk. Here's the photo I sent to my family as soon as I finished. Look at that joy!!
So far, we have looked at the following:
- Plan all you want but there has to be a point where you just choose to start.
- Hike your own hike. Don’t compare yourself to others.
- Expect the unexpected.
- Accept that progress often involves misery.
- Get rid of excess baggage.
- Accept help from others.
7. Refuse to quit. I have never considered myself to be a quitter. I’m just too stubborn, and maybe have too much pride. But I’ll tell you, I would have quit on the second day of the hike in a heartbeat if I could have! As I mentioned earlier, I had started out too quickly, with too much weight, and with too little preparation. I had fallen and broken one of my highly necessary hiking poles. I was dehydrated and
I was surprised at how ready I was to quit. As I look back on it now, I’m embarrassed a bit that I was so ready to quit. I didn’t quit on that walk because I had no way of doing so. What the experience has caused me to do is to think about what I needed on that day to take away the mental desire to quit. And more importantly, how does that translate to the discussion about life changes?
In the hiking community there are a handful of suggestions in helping people avoid the quit. And they convert well to life changes.
- Don’t quit on a bad day. Everyone has bad days. But bad days are labelled as bad because we compare them to good days, and everyone has good days. So wait for a good day, and then decide if you want to quit. Most of the time, you won’t because the good days are far better than the bad days are bad.
- Ask yourself how you will feel in a week if you quit now. Ask yourself how you will feel in a week if you push on now. This is a good tool to remind us that what we are feeling now is only temporary. Listening to the “future you” can often move you off a quit moment in the present.
- When you feel you have come to the end of your ability, you are usually only about halfway to the real end of your ability. We live in a pretty easy world and have become accustomed to feeling relatively comfortable as a normal way of life. Pushing past the quit moment can teach us much about how much resilience we actually have!
- Remind yourself why you are doing this. When we embark on life changes, it often comes because we have had a significant moment of clarity. Remind yourself of that clarity. Recommit to why you wanted to change in the first place. Ask yourself what happens if you choose to disregard that clarity. People who quit often eventually come back to that same moment of clarity and start all over again. Remind yourself that it’s easier to push through this difficult moment than to quit and have to start all over again later.
8. Take care of yourself. That second night, once I realised I had no choice but to continue on, I took stock of what I needed. I put the focus on rehydrating myself first. That took a bit of effort: I had to get water, decontaminate it, drink it down, and then repeat the process. It sounds simple, but at this point, nothing was simple for me. It took a concerted focus. Then I needed to get some food in me. Again, it was not easy and it was the last thing I really wanted to do. But I took the time to prepare the food, sat down, and just focussed on getting the food down. I refused to stop when it got hard because I knew I needed to get some energy. Last, I needed rest! Because I’m a pretty skilled snorer (I choose to see that as a strength) I was asked to not sleep in the bunk room. Instead, I was asked to sleep in the common room – where the cooking, dining, and conversing took place. But I needed sleep. So I pulled out a mattress, asked a couple of people if they could make space for me, put in my ear plugs, and promptly fell asleep in the middle of all that. What mattered to me most that evening was that I needed to take care of myself and give myself the opportunity to continue the journey the next day.
Self-care is a buzz word in the counselling community these days, and justifiably so. Frankly, our society right now stinks at taking care of itself. We hardly ever have quiet moments that give us the opportunity to recharge. And when we do have quiet moments, what’s the first thing we often turn to? The phone and all its capabilities of providing noise and distraction to our already over stressed brain. Listen, making life changes is hard work! You NEED to take care of yourself! You need to rest and recharge. You need quiet times of reflection. If you are going to be successful in making the changes you want to make, you must take care of yourself. And it won’t always be convenient! Sometimes you just have to make it happen, regardless of how you feel or how inconvenient it may be to do so. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself. And then do it!
9. Celebrate the victories. I’ve talked about all the difficulties I had on that journey, but it did end well. I did make the 500 metre climb to the top of Panekire. The sign at the beginning of the day’s walk said that it would take me four hours to make it to the top. I did it in 3 hours 45 minutes. It was a long, rainy day where I was alone most of the time. But when I got to the top, there were four of my fellow hikers there to greet me and congratulate me for
Too often, when we are in the middle of the change process, we can get so focussed on either the difficulties or the reality that we still have not achieved all of our goals, that we forget to celebrate the victories along the way. Perhaps you have gone several days without giving into your addiction. Or you responded to a stressful situation with calm rather than anger. Or you were able to journal about your feelings in a therapeutic way. Or you lost a half kilo after a week of hard work. Whatever the progress, whether it is what you would consider big or small, it is still progress! So celebrate it. Allow yourself the joy of knowing that you are still moving toward your goal. There are not many better places you can find motivation that acknowledging the progress you’ve already made. Are you giving yourself those well-deserved pats on the back?
Beyond these nine analogies, I came up with some others. Perhaps you can spend some time developing these for yourself. I would also like to encourage you to look at some of your own personal life experiences and think about what you have learned through them that you can apply to the change processes you are going through. Working from what you know to what you don’t know can be a great way of expanding your creativity in moving forward.
Here are the rest of my analogies from the Great Walk:
10. In the really hard places, just put one foot in front of the other and repeat.
11. When you fall down, get back up.
12. Find a mantra that keeps you focussed on your journey.
13. When you feel lost – stop, relax, and slowly work your way back to being found.
14. Use one positive change to set yourself up for another positive change.
15. Protect the new changes by continuing to move forward.
By the way, I completed the Walk. Here's the photo I sent to my family as soon as I finished. Look at that joy!!
Lessons from a Hike (2)
12/11/19 Filed in: Change
Have you done some thinking about the first three comparisons I shared in my last counselling blog? (You can find them here.)
Now I move on to three more comparisons between my 4-day hike on the Waikaremoana Great Walk and life journey changes.
4. Progress Often Involves Some Misery. Not too encouraging, is it? But it is the truth. The second morning of my hike, I rolled out of my tent and promptly heard extremely sore leg muscles screaming at me! Well, maybe not audibly, but I sure knew those muscles were not happy. On top of that, it had rained all night, and on top of that, my single-wall tent gathered all my night-breathing condensation so it could rain inside the tent as well! Everything was damp. I was dehydrated from the day before and could barely eat anything. I was cold, wet, soggy, muddy, and miserable. I
had limited choices available to me. I could crawl back into my tent and wait for the pain and rain to go away. I could go back the way I had come and catch the next water taxi back to my car. Or, I could just suck it up and keep walking to the next destination. The last choice, frankly, looked the least pleasant, but it really was the only option. So I got stuck into it and slogged it out for another five hours…until I reached my destination for the night. And you know what? Three of those five hours were absolute misery! But again, here I sit two weeks later with great memories of having completed the walk…in spite of the misery.
No one really likes change. Change can be hard, unpleasant, and yes, even miserable. There are all kinds of brain chemistry things you have to work against. There are habits you have to change. There is pain that some behaviours have masked that now needs to be faced. You might need to leave your social group, adjust your schedule, and experiment with unfamiliar behaviours. Change might mean you have to learn something, or spend some money to facilitate the new ways.
“Wow! You’re a great motivator!” you might be saying at this point. Well, I think it would be unfair to tell you change is easy and you’ll enjoy the whole process. That would just be disingenuous! Instead, I believe if we know what to expect, we can prepare better. If you know change involves some misery, then when you experience it, it doesn’t catch you by surprise, and it won’t knock you off the change process.
5. Get rid of excess baggage. Wow, I wish I had really thought this through before I started the hike! I should have known something was wrong when the deck-hand gave me my backpack and let out a whistle at how heavy it was. I thought I had done pretty well – 16.3 kg (36 pounds for you Americans). But those 16 kgs got heavier the longer I walked! I knew the bag would get lighter over the first few days as I ate through the food I brought. But I brought way too much food. I had a tent that was as wet inside as it was out. I had one too many gas canisters. And…I’m embarrassed to share this… I had a camp chair that I had brought along as my “luxury item”. After two days of lugging all that weight around and looking ahead to the 500 metre climb on the third day, it was time to make some changes. I gave away the tent and chair to a man who said his kids would like it. I gave one of my gas bottles to a grateful couple who realised they hadn’t brought enough. And I dumped food down the toilet – so much food. When I reassessed my backpack with bare essential weight, I could have easily done the walk with 12 kgs max (26.5 pounds)!
Get rid of excess baggage in your life! What might that be? Start with your thoughts. Do you weigh yourself down with negativity about yourself, your ability to change, or even the reason for changing? Do you let your mind wander wherever it wants, or do you guard it, guide it, and strengthen it with positivity and reality?
You might have some social relationships that are holding you down: friends who don’t want to see you change because it might highlight their need to do the same, family who keep reminding you of all the previous times you tried to change but “failed”, co-workers who tease you about the changes rather than encourage them. There may be good reason to limit your exposure to people whose comments are excess baggage.
What about daily routines? Do you need to make some changes that set you up for progress? Things like: getting up earlier to go for a run, read, or to meditate; spending time assessing your change progress – celebrating the successes and learning from the setbacks; carving out time to relax and recharge; spending less time in front of a screen and more time enjoying a hobby; experimenting with new social groups until you find one that is supportive of the changes you are trying to make.
Hopefully, these have given you some ideas. But you will need to take an honest, close look at your life and eliminate the weight that is holding you back from the progress you want to make.
6. Accept help from others. The second day of my 4-day walk was by far the hardest! I was physically and mentally drained. I had not slept well that first night in the tent. I was dehydrated and therefore hadn’t been able to eat enough food. It was raining…constantly… and therefor the path was muddy, rocks were slippery, and roots were treacherous! The trail that day was a series of ups and downs that made no sense. About halfway through the day, just after I struggled to the top of another one of these senseless climbs only to begin an immediate descent, I stepped on a leaf-covered tree root and experienced one of those absolutely out-of-control falls. I landed hard! As I checked my personal limbs to see if they were all still intact, I noticed one of my hiking poles had a bit of a bend in it. I carefully tried to straighten it and then promptly broke it! This was devastating for me because I relied heavily on both hiking poles to get me up and down these crazy hills and mountains.
I carried on for another 20 minutes, trying to figure out how I was going to manage the next two days with only one hiking pole. I eventually came to a shelter where three young guys were just finishing up their lunch and getting ready to head back out. They asked me how I was doing. I had a choice: “Fine” or “I’m done!” And because I just didn’t have the energy to lie to them at the moment, I told them what had happened with the pole and that I was really concerned about the next couple of days because of my need for two poles. One of the guys pulled a hiking pole out of his backpack and offered it to me. Of course, my first reaction was, “No thanks, I’ll figure it out”. But after he assured me he did not need the pole, and after nearly insisting I take it, I finally accepted his kind offer, promising to catch up with him that night to return it to him. And then he kept lending it to me the next two days. His generosity was a large part of me being able to complete this walk. And…my acceptance of his generosity allowed that to happen.
Too often, when we are going through the difficult process
of change we refuse to accept help from anyone. I don’t know if it’s a pride thing (“I’m already having to admit something is wrong – that’s why I’m working to change. I don’t want to have to admit that there’s a weakness too!”), or if it’s truly selfless (“I don’t want to put anyone else out by dragging them through my own stuff”). Whatever the reason, it is vital that we accept help from others! Others have resources we don’t have. Others can see things we can’t see. Others have energy we’re lacking. Others have life experiences from which we can learn. We are not designed to walk alone! On a good day, we’re not designed to walk alone. But when we’re going through the difficult process of change, there’s no way we can do that alone and find the success we are longing for.
So, when someone offers you help, accept it. “What if they’re not genuine in the offer”? That’s on them, and they’ll learn to be honest next time! But in my experiences, the vast majority of the time people offer their assistance, it’s because they really do want to help. So help them by letting them help you! Get that assistance to take another step on your change journey.
Now I move on to three more comparisons between my 4-day hike on the Waikaremoana Great Walk and life journey changes.
4. Progress Often Involves Some Misery. Not too encouraging, is it? But it is the truth. The second morning of my hike, I rolled out of my tent and promptly heard extremely sore leg muscles screaming at me! Well, maybe not audibly, but I sure knew those muscles were not happy. On top of that, it had rained all night, and on top of that, my single-wall tent gathered all my night-breathing condensation so it could rain inside the tent as well! Everything was damp. I was dehydrated from the day before and could barely eat anything. I was cold, wet, soggy, muddy, and miserable. I
No one really likes change. Change can be hard, unpleasant, and yes, even miserable. There are all kinds of brain chemistry things you have to work against. There are habits you have to change. There is pain that some behaviours have masked that now needs to be faced. You might need to leave your social group, adjust your schedule, and experiment with unfamiliar behaviours. Change might mean you have to learn something, or spend some money to facilitate the new ways.
“Wow! You’re a great motivator!” you might be saying at this point. Well, I think it would be unfair to tell you change is easy and you’ll enjoy the whole process. That would just be disingenuous! Instead, I believe if we know what to expect, we can prepare better. If you know change involves some misery, then when you experience it, it doesn’t catch you by surprise, and it won’t knock you off the change process.
5. Get rid of excess baggage. Wow, I wish I had really thought this through before I started the hike! I should have known something was wrong when the deck-hand gave me my backpack and let out a whistle at how heavy it was. I thought I had done pretty well – 16.3 kg (36 pounds for you Americans). But those 16 kgs got heavier the longer I walked! I knew the bag would get lighter over the first few days as I ate through the food I brought. But I brought way too much food. I had a tent that was as wet inside as it was out. I had one too many gas canisters. And…I’m embarrassed to share this… I had a camp chair that I had brought along as my “luxury item”. After two days of lugging all that weight around and looking ahead to the 500 metre climb on the third day, it was time to make some changes. I gave away the tent and chair to a man who said his kids would like it. I gave one of my gas bottles to a grateful couple who realised they hadn’t brought enough. And I dumped food down the toilet – so much food. When I reassessed my backpack with bare essential weight, I could have easily done the walk with 12 kgs max (26.5 pounds)!
Get rid of excess baggage in your life! What might that be? Start with your thoughts. Do you weigh yourself down with negativity about yourself, your ability to change, or even the reason for changing? Do you let your mind wander wherever it wants, or do you guard it, guide it, and strengthen it with positivity and reality?
You might have some social relationships that are holding you down: friends who don’t want to see you change because it might highlight their need to do the same, family who keep reminding you of all the previous times you tried to change but “failed”, co-workers who tease you about the changes rather than encourage them. There may be good reason to limit your exposure to people whose comments are excess baggage.
What about daily routines? Do you need to make some changes that set you up for progress? Things like: getting up earlier to go for a run, read, or to meditate; spending time assessing your change progress – celebrating the successes and learning from the setbacks; carving out time to relax and recharge; spending less time in front of a screen and more time enjoying a hobby; experimenting with new social groups until you find one that is supportive of the changes you are trying to make.
Hopefully, these have given you some ideas. But you will need to take an honest, close look at your life and eliminate the weight that is holding you back from the progress you want to make.
6. Accept help from others. The second day of my 4-day walk was by far the hardest! I was physically and mentally drained. I had not slept well that first night in the tent. I was dehydrated and therefore hadn’t been able to eat enough food. It was raining…constantly… and therefor the path was muddy, rocks were slippery, and roots were treacherous! The trail that day was a series of ups and downs that made no sense. About halfway through the day, just after I struggled to the top of another one of these senseless climbs only to begin an immediate descent, I stepped on a leaf-covered tree root and experienced one of those absolutely out-of-control falls. I landed hard! As I checked my personal limbs to see if they were all still intact, I noticed one of my hiking poles had a bit of a bend in it. I carefully tried to straighten it and then promptly broke it! This was devastating for me because I relied heavily on both hiking poles to get me up and down these crazy hills and mountains.
I carried on for another 20 minutes, trying to figure out how I was going to manage the next two days with only one hiking pole. I eventually came to a shelter where three young guys were just finishing up their lunch and getting ready to head back out. They asked me how I was doing. I had a choice: “Fine” or “I’m done!” And because I just didn’t have the energy to lie to them at the moment, I told them what had happened with the pole and that I was really concerned about the next couple of days because of my need for two poles. One of the guys pulled a hiking pole out of his backpack and offered it to me. Of course, my first reaction was, “No thanks, I’ll figure it out”. But after he assured me he did not need the pole, and after nearly insisting I take it, I finally accepted his kind offer, promising to catch up with him that night to return it to him. And then he kept lending it to me the next two days. His generosity was a large part of me being able to complete this walk. And…my acceptance of his generosity allowed that to happen.
Too often, when we are going through the difficult process
So, when someone offers you help, accept it. “What if they’re not genuine in the offer”? That’s on them, and they’ll learn to be honest next time! But in my experiences, the vast majority of the time people offer their assistance, it’s because they really do want to help. So help them by letting them help you! Get that assistance to take another step on your change journey.