Anxiety
A Word About Overthinking
06/04/20
“There’s too much overthinking going on.”
“We don’t want to overthink this.”
“Do you think we’re overthinking?”
I hear people in the counselling room saying similar things about the issues they’re going through.
“I think I overthink too much.”
“My wife's problem is that she is overthinking about what I say to her.”
“How do I stop overthinking about this?”
In actuality, I don’t think most people’s problem is overthinking; I think it is underthinking!
Follow my logic for a moment:
Problem event: “I might lose my job because the business isn’t making money during this pandemic.”
Responding thought process:
- “What will happen if I lose my job?”
- “I’ll lose my house – I’ll get kicked out on the streets – the government will take my kids away – I’ll have to steal to get food – I’ll get arrested and thrown in prison – I’ll die all alone!”
- "Help! I’m overthinking!!!!"
- The business does have savings that can be tapped into.
- The government is giving some help to businesses to help pay their employees
- The business leaders are pretty creative and can find some other ways for the business to make money during this pandemic.
- I do have some personal savings I can rely on
- My expenses are way down meaning the money I do have will last longer
- The banks are offering mortgage holidays to help people in my situation which will keep me from losing my house
- I have some pretty marketable skills and will probably be able to find another job pretty quickly
The hypothetical overthinker who ended up dying in prison alone actually under-thought the possibilities. This person only thought long enough to find one possible financial impact of the pandemic rather than creating a list of possibilities.
If you are struggling in this way, can I invite you to consider a different way of thinking through problems?
- Identify the problem event. Be clear on what is actually happening – not what you think might be happening.
- Identify all the possible reasons or results for what has happened. All of them. Every single possibility – even if you think it is ridiculous.
- Now go back through your list and give a general percentage of how possible that thought might be.
- For example:
- I’m going to lose my house and be out on the street (5%)
- I do have some personal savings I can rely on (25%)
- My expenses are way down meaning the money I do have will last longer (75%)
- The banks are offering mortgage holidays to help people in my situation which will keep me from losing my house (90%)
- I have some pretty marketable skills and will probably be able to find another job pretty quickly (75%)
So if you get caught up in an “overthinking trail”, stop and ask yourself if you are actually underthinking the possibilities. Get a piece of paper, write all the stuff, give it a percentage, and then take a breath, reminding yourself that most of what we fear never actually happens.
11 Anxiety Hacks That Psychologists Swear By
12/03/20
I recently read an article on dealing with anxiety. With all that is going on in our world today, there are certainly many opportunities to practice what is written in the article! Here is the link: 11 Anxiety Hacks I invite you to read it.
Having said that, I want to list the 11 tools they mention and make a few personal comments about them.
Do Your Research
Often anxiety is about the unknown. Getting information about issues can be really helpful. For example, our family dog just had a stroke. He’s not that old either. We imagined that this was going to be the end of him, and we were already preparing for the heartbreak of having to put him down. But a quick trip to the vet and a few Google articles later, we had a much better understanding of canine strokes, and have a much better view of the future of our little friend.
Say it Out Loud
I especially like what the article said about stating, “Oh, this is my anxiety again.” There certainly is some brain stuff going on when you speak out loud, but I also like the activity of separating you from the anxiety. You are not anxiety. Anxiety is not you. It is something you are facing, but it is not your identity.
Hold an Ice Cube
This was a new one for me, but it makes sense. It’s all about changing what your mind is focussing on.
Take a Step Outside
Going for a short, brisk walk where you’re breathing fresh air can do wonders for giving your mind and body a restart.
Drink Something Hot
This has the same effect as holding an ice cube. I’ve heard stories of how WWII British soldiers would stop in the middle of battle to brew some tea. I always thought it was just because it was a customary part of that culture. But I wonder if they knew something back then about how a hot cup of tea helps in quieting anxiety.
Sniff a Soothing Scent
“Pick a smell that you associate with relaxation”. Mine is…sulphur! That is because years ago we took a family trip to
Rotorua, a city with a lot of volcanic ground vents. We had a fantastic time as a family, and now every time I smell sulphur, I am reminded of how relaxed we were. And now the smell relaxes me! You might have a more pleasing aroma that does the same; tap into it when you are feeling anxious.
Set Aside Time to Worry
I’ve worked with people who have used some object to represent the issue causing anxiety. When they need a break from it, they will lay the object down somewhere and promise to come back and pick it up later to deal with it. It has worked for them.
Write About Your Anxiety
I’ve written here about the huge benefits of journaling. If you haven’t yet tried this activity, I beg you to give it a go. It is much more beneficial than a lot of people think.
Remember to Breathe
In this article they give an exercise to do: breathe in for the count of 5, hold for a count of 2, breathe out for a count of 10. (I use 3-2-7 in my practice.) Three keys for this are as follows: (1) Breathe deeply and fill the bottom part of your lungs. If you struggle with this, imagine filling a balloon with air that is in your stomach, or imagine breathing in through your belly button. (2) Focus on the numbers. Visualise them. When I practice this, my mental numbers are like thick pieces of cotton that are orange and brown. I don’t know why those colours (they’re not my favourite by a long shot), but it helps for me to picture those numbers as I’m counting them. This is all about redirecting your mind away from focussing on anxiety. (3) Repeat the breathing 10-20 times. Doing this just a few times will not have the effect needed to deal with most anxiety.
Bring Yourself Back to Reality
“Grounding” is the popular word used for this technique. The article gives the standard tool for doing this. The benefit of doing this is bringing yourself back to what is rather than what if.
Slow Down
If we ever needed a worldwide mantra right now, this is it! Again, the article gives some suggestions on how to slow down. Can I give one more? Get off your phone! Checking Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. may feel relaxing, but it is not. Later, I’m going to write a blog post about what phone scrolling is really doing to your life. But you can do a simple search online and find scads of articles that will show you how important it is to find disconnect time between you and your phone.
We live in a world that gives us many opportunities to respond with anxiety. But using these simple tools can give us what we need to manage anxiety and keep living life the way we want.
Having said that, I want to list the 11 tools they mention and make a few personal comments about them.
Do Your Research
Often anxiety is about the unknown. Getting information about issues can be really helpful. For example, our family dog just had a stroke. He’s not that old either. We imagined that this was going to be the end of him, and we were already preparing for the heartbreak of having to put him down. But a quick trip to the vet and a few Google articles later, we had a much better understanding of canine strokes, and have a much better view of the future of our little friend.
Say it Out Loud
I especially like what the article said about stating, “Oh, this is my anxiety again.” There certainly is some brain stuff going on when you speak out loud, but I also like the activity of separating you from the anxiety. You are not anxiety. Anxiety is not you. It is something you are facing, but it is not your identity.
Hold an Ice Cube
This was a new one for me, but it makes sense. It’s all about changing what your mind is focussing on.
Take a Step Outside
Going for a short, brisk walk where you’re breathing fresh air can do wonders for giving your mind and body a restart.
Drink Something Hot
This has the same effect as holding an ice cube. I’ve heard stories of how WWII British soldiers would stop in the middle of battle to brew some tea. I always thought it was just because it was a customary part of that culture. But I wonder if they knew something back then about how a hot cup of tea helps in quieting anxiety.
Sniff a Soothing Scent
“Pick a smell that you associate with relaxation”. Mine is…sulphur! That is because years ago we took a family trip to
Set Aside Time to Worry
I’ve worked with people who have used some object to represent the issue causing anxiety. When they need a break from it, they will lay the object down somewhere and promise to come back and pick it up later to deal with it. It has worked for them.
Write About Your Anxiety
I’ve written here about the huge benefits of journaling. If you haven’t yet tried this activity, I beg you to give it a go. It is much more beneficial than a lot of people think.
Remember to Breathe
In this article they give an exercise to do: breathe in for the count of 5, hold for a count of 2, breathe out for a count of 10. (I use 3-2-7 in my practice.) Three keys for this are as follows: (1) Breathe deeply and fill the bottom part of your lungs. If you struggle with this, imagine filling a balloon with air that is in your stomach, or imagine breathing in through your belly button. (2) Focus on the numbers. Visualise them. When I practice this, my mental numbers are like thick pieces of cotton that are orange and brown. I don’t know why those colours (they’re not my favourite by a long shot), but it helps for me to picture those numbers as I’m counting them. This is all about redirecting your mind away from focussing on anxiety. (3) Repeat the breathing 10-20 times. Doing this just a few times will not have the effect needed to deal with most anxiety.
Bring Yourself Back to Reality
“Grounding” is the popular word used for this technique. The article gives the standard tool for doing this. The benefit of doing this is bringing yourself back to what is rather than what if.
Slow Down
If we ever needed a worldwide mantra right now, this is it! Again, the article gives some suggestions on how to slow down. Can I give one more? Get off your phone! Checking Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. may feel relaxing, but it is not. Later, I’m going to write a blog post about what phone scrolling is really doing to your life. But you can do a simple search online and find scads of articles that will show you how important it is to find disconnect time between you and your phone.
We live in a world that gives us many opportunities to respond with anxiety. But using these simple tools can give us what we need to manage anxiety and keep living life the way we want.