getting help
Lessons from a Hike (2)
12/11/19 Filed in: Change
Have you done some thinking about the first three comparisons I shared in my last counselling blog? (You can find them here.)
Now I move on to three more comparisons between my 4-day hike on the Waikaremoana Great Walk and life journey changes.
4. Progress Often Involves Some Misery. Not too encouraging, is it? But it is the truth. The second morning of my hike, I rolled out of my tent and promptly heard extremely sore leg muscles screaming at me! Well, maybe not audibly, but I sure knew those muscles were not happy. On top of that, it had rained all night, and on top of that, my single-wall tent gathered all my night-breathing condensation so it could rain inside the tent as well! Everything was damp. I was dehydrated from the day before and could barely eat anything. I was cold, wet, soggy, muddy, and miserable. I
had limited choices available to me. I could crawl back into my tent and wait for the pain and rain to go away. I could go back the way I had come and catch the next water taxi back to my car. Or, I could just suck it up and keep walking to the next destination. The last choice, frankly, looked the least pleasant, but it really was the only option. So I got stuck into it and slogged it out for another five hours…until I reached my destination for the night. And you know what? Three of those five hours were absolute misery! But again, here I sit two weeks later with great memories of having completed the walk…in spite of the misery.
No one really likes change. Change can be hard, unpleasant, and yes, even miserable. There are all kinds of brain chemistry things you have to work against. There are habits you have to change. There is pain that some behaviours have masked that now needs to be faced. You might need to leave your social group, adjust your schedule, and experiment with unfamiliar behaviours. Change might mean you have to learn something, or spend some money to facilitate the new ways.
“Wow! You’re a great motivator!” you might be saying at this point. Well, I think it would be unfair to tell you change is easy and you’ll enjoy the whole process. That would just be disingenuous! Instead, I believe if we know what to expect, we can prepare better. If you know change involves some misery, then when you experience it, it doesn’t catch you by surprise, and it won’t knock you off the change process.
5. Get rid of excess baggage. Wow, I wish I had really thought this through before I started the hike! I should have known something was wrong when the deck-hand gave me my backpack and let out a whistle at how heavy it was. I thought I had done pretty well – 16.3 kg (36 pounds for you Americans). But those 16 kgs got heavier the longer I walked! I knew the bag would get lighter over the first few days as I ate through the food I brought. But I brought way too much food. I had a tent that was as wet inside as it was out. I had one too many gas canisters. And…I’m embarrassed to share this… I had a camp chair that I had brought along as my “luxury item”. After two days of lugging all that weight around and looking ahead to the 500 metre climb on the third day, it was time to make some changes. I gave away the tent and chair to a man who said his kids would like it. I gave one of my gas bottles to a grateful couple who realised they hadn’t brought enough. And I dumped food down the toilet – so much food. When I reassessed my backpack with bare essential weight, I could have easily done the walk with 12 kgs max (26.5 pounds)!
Get rid of excess baggage in your life! What might that be? Start with your thoughts. Do you weigh yourself down with negativity about yourself, your ability to change, or even the reason for changing? Do you let your mind wander wherever it wants, or do you guard it, guide it, and strengthen it with positivity and reality?
You might have some social relationships that are holding you down: friends who don’t want to see you change because it might highlight their need to do the same, family who keep reminding you of all the previous times you tried to change but “failed”, co-workers who tease you about the changes rather than encourage them. There may be good reason to limit your exposure to people whose comments are excess baggage.
What about daily routines? Do you need to make some changes that set you up for progress? Things like: getting up earlier to go for a run, read, or to meditate; spending time assessing your change progress – celebrating the successes and learning from the setbacks; carving out time to relax and recharge; spending less time in front of a screen and more time enjoying a hobby; experimenting with new social groups until you find one that is supportive of the changes you are trying to make.
Hopefully, these have given you some ideas. But you will need to take an honest, close look at your life and eliminate the weight that is holding you back from the progress you want to make.
6. Accept help from others. The second day of my 4-day walk was by far the hardest! I was physically and mentally drained. I had not slept well that first night in the tent. I was dehydrated and therefore hadn’t been able to eat enough food. It was raining…constantly… and therefor the path was muddy, rocks were slippery, and roots were treacherous! The trail that day was a series of ups and downs that made no sense. About halfway through the day, just after I struggled to the top of another one of these senseless climbs only to begin an immediate descent, I stepped on a leaf-covered tree root and experienced one of those absolutely out-of-control falls. I landed hard! As I checked my personal limbs to see if they were all still intact, I noticed one of my hiking poles had a bit of a bend in it. I carefully tried to straighten it and then promptly broke it! This was devastating for me because I relied heavily on both hiking poles to get me up and down these crazy hills and mountains.
I carried on for another 20 minutes, trying to figure out how I was going to manage the next two days with only one hiking pole. I eventually came to a shelter where three young guys were just finishing up their lunch and getting ready to head back out. They asked me how I was doing. I had a choice: “Fine” or “I’m done!” And because I just didn’t have the energy to lie to them at the moment, I told them what had happened with the pole and that I was really concerned about the next couple of days because of my need for two poles. One of the guys pulled a hiking pole out of his backpack and offered it to me. Of course, my first reaction was, “No thanks, I’ll figure it out”. But after he assured me he did not need the pole, and after nearly insisting I take it, I finally accepted his kind offer, promising to catch up with him that night to return it to him. And then he kept lending it to me the next two days. His generosity was a large part of me being able to complete this walk. And…my acceptance of his generosity allowed that to happen.
Too often, when we are going through the difficult process
of change we refuse to accept help from anyone. I don’t know if it’s a pride thing (“I’m already having to admit something is wrong – that’s why I’m working to change. I don’t want to have to admit that there’s a weakness too!”), or if it’s truly selfless (“I don’t want to put anyone else out by dragging them through my own stuff”). Whatever the reason, it is vital that we accept help from others! Others have resources we don’t have. Others can see things we can’t see. Others have energy we’re lacking. Others have life experiences from which we can learn. We are not designed to walk alone! On a good day, we’re not designed to walk alone. But when we’re going through the difficult process of change, there’s no way we can do that alone and find the success we are longing for.
So, when someone offers you help, accept it. “What if they’re not genuine in the offer”? That’s on them, and they’ll learn to be honest next time! But in my experiences, the vast majority of the time people offer their assistance, it’s because they really do want to help. So help them by letting them help you! Get that assistance to take another step on your change journey.
Now I move on to three more comparisons between my 4-day hike on the Waikaremoana Great Walk and life journey changes.
4. Progress Often Involves Some Misery. Not too encouraging, is it? But it is the truth. The second morning of my hike, I rolled out of my tent and promptly heard extremely sore leg muscles screaming at me! Well, maybe not audibly, but I sure knew those muscles were not happy. On top of that, it had rained all night, and on top of that, my single-wall tent gathered all my night-breathing condensation so it could rain inside the tent as well! Everything was damp. I was dehydrated from the day before and could barely eat anything. I was cold, wet, soggy, muddy, and miserable. I
No one really likes change. Change can be hard, unpleasant, and yes, even miserable. There are all kinds of brain chemistry things you have to work against. There are habits you have to change. There is pain that some behaviours have masked that now needs to be faced. You might need to leave your social group, adjust your schedule, and experiment with unfamiliar behaviours. Change might mean you have to learn something, or spend some money to facilitate the new ways.
“Wow! You’re a great motivator!” you might be saying at this point. Well, I think it would be unfair to tell you change is easy and you’ll enjoy the whole process. That would just be disingenuous! Instead, I believe if we know what to expect, we can prepare better. If you know change involves some misery, then when you experience it, it doesn’t catch you by surprise, and it won’t knock you off the change process.
5. Get rid of excess baggage. Wow, I wish I had really thought this through before I started the hike! I should have known something was wrong when the deck-hand gave me my backpack and let out a whistle at how heavy it was. I thought I had done pretty well – 16.3 kg (36 pounds for you Americans). But those 16 kgs got heavier the longer I walked! I knew the bag would get lighter over the first few days as I ate through the food I brought. But I brought way too much food. I had a tent that was as wet inside as it was out. I had one too many gas canisters. And…I’m embarrassed to share this… I had a camp chair that I had brought along as my “luxury item”. After two days of lugging all that weight around and looking ahead to the 500 metre climb on the third day, it was time to make some changes. I gave away the tent and chair to a man who said his kids would like it. I gave one of my gas bottles to a grateful couple who realised they hadn’t brought enough. And I dumped food down the toilet – so much food. When I reassessed my backpack with bare essential weight, I could have easily done the walk with 12 kgs max (26.5 pounds)!
Get rid of excess baggage in your life! What might that be? Start with your thoughts. Do you weigh yourself down with negativity about yourself, your ability to change, or even the reason for changing? Do you let your mind wander wherever it wants, or do you guard it, guide it, and strengthen it with positivity and reality?
You might have some social relationships that are holding you down: friends who don’t want to see you change because it might highlight their need to do the same, family who keep reminding you of all the previous times you tried to change but “failed”, co-workers who tease you about the changes rather than encourage them. There may be good reason to limit your exposure to people whose comments are excess baggage.
What about daily routines? Do you need to make some changes that set you up for progress? Things like: getting up earlier to go for a run, read, or to meditate; spending time assessing your change progress – celebrating the successes and learning from the setbacks; carving out time to relax and recharge; spending less time in front of a screen and more time enjoying a hobby; experimenting with new social groups until you find one that is supportive of the changes you are trying to make.
Hopefully, these have given you some ideas. But you will need to take an honest, close look at your life and eliminate the weight that is holding you back from the progress you want to make.
6. Accept help from others. The second day of my 4-day walk was by far the hardest! I was physically and mentally drained. I had not slept well that first night in the tent. I was dehydrated and therefore hadn’t been able to eat enough food. It was raining…constantly… and therefor the path was muddy, rocks were slippery, and roots were treacherous! The trail that day was a series of ups and downs that made no sense. About halfway through the day, just after I struggled to the top of another one of these senseless climbs only to begin an immediate descent, I stepped on a leaf-covered tree root and experienced one of those absolutely out-of-control falls. I landed hard! As I checked my personal limbs to see if they were all still intact, I noticed one of my hiking poles had a bit of a bend in it. I carefully tried to straighten it and then promptly broke it! This was devastating for me because I relied heavily on both hiking poles to get me up and down these crazy hills and mountains.
I carried on for another 20 minutes, trying to figure out how I was going to manage the next two days with only one hiking pole. I eventually came to a shelter where three young guys were just finishing up their lunch and getting ready to head back out. They asked me how I was doing. I had a choice: “Fine” or “I’m done!” And because I just didn’t have the energy to lie to them at the moment, I told them what had happened with the pole and that I was really concerned about the next couple of days because of my need for two poles. One of the guys pulled a hiking pole out of his backpack and offered it to me. Of course, my first reaction was, “No thanks, I’ll figure it out”. But after he assured me he did not need the pole, and after nearly insisting I take it, I finally accepted his kind offer, promising to catch up with him that night to return it to him. And then he kept lending it to me the next two days. His generosity was a large part of me being able to complete this walk. And…my acceptance of his generosity allowed that to happen.
Too often, when we are going through the difficult process
So, when someone offers you help, accept it. “What if they’re not genuine in the offer”? That’s on them, and they’ll learn to be honest next time! But in my experiences, the vast majority of the time people offer their assistance, it’s because they really do want to help. So help them by letting them help you! Get that assistance to take another step on your change journey.