Depression
Five Tools to Use with Depression (part 2)
07/10/19
Setting Goals. This is helpful in getting you moving forward through the mud of depression. I often encourage people to find the right personal balance in setting goals. You don't want them so big that they are unattainable on your best day, but you also don't want them to be so small that you don't get any benefit from accomplishing them. Your goal might be to get out of bed by 10:00am. It might be too organise a dresser drawer. It might be to read this entire post. It might be to take a walk or a bike ride. It might be something bigger that requires several steps before the goal is reached. The key is to have some target that feels you are making some sort of progress for the day.
Changing Thinking. When depression hits, we tend to get into a cycle of "stinkin' thinkin'". We want to feel better, but our thinking tends to get in the way. For example, you might say, "I know I should get out and take a walk, but I don't feel like it." If I heard someone say that, I would suggest two changes to the thought processes. First, what happens if you change "should" too "would like to"? It kind of takes the pressure of guilt off, doesn't it. Guilt is NEVER a good motivator! Second, do the Double But. We tend to run to the first but when we're not feeling good. Trying to stop the first but is, in my opinion, wasted energy. So I say, go ahead and think the first but…but don't stop there. Double-but the but. "I would like to get out and take a walk, but I don't feel like it. BUT I can at least put my shoes on." That second but moves you forward and makes the next step a bit easier. Whatever but you stop on holds the power. Give the second but that boost.
Relaxation. Do some deep breathing. Soak in a tub. Listen to the birds. Do what helps you relax. Sometimes depression gets stronger when we are trying to do too much and we don't have time to recharge. Give yourself space and permission to relax.
Activity. Endorphins. Even non-medical people have heard about these nice little natural wonder guys. They're your body's chemicals that make you feel better when you are active. And they're just itching to get to work, but they need you to do some kind of activity to warm them up and get them flowing. It doesn't have to be a hard one-hour workout at the gym. It can be a gentle walk, a slow bike ride, a wander through the gardens. Just do some kind of activity that lets your endorphins know they can get busy.
Problem Solving. Working through some sort of problem, no matter how small it is, can help you see progress. Problems often feel like the black cloud hanging over you, or something ominous just out of eyesight. Writing a simple plan, carrying out one step at a time, making progress towards the removal of that cloud can often help you move toward the shallower end of the depression mud pool.
Now again, just as a reminder, please don't try to use all five of these at the same time. Two at the most. And if you find those two aren't working, then experiment with some of the others.
And as always, if you want to work through the depression you are experiencing with someone, please feel free to contact me. I am more than willing to walk with you through this part of your life journey.
Five Tools to Use with Depression (part 1)
30/09/19
Early in 2019 I went through a couple of months of dark depression. I was facing a time in my life when I felt I had no past to be grounded to, nor a future to look forward to. Granted, my walk through the mud of depression was relatively short, but it was intense. It was during this time that I go
t to practice what I had been preaching for several years in my counselling work. One of those "sermons" was looking at five common tools often promoted as useful in walking through depression.
I'll list the five tools in my next blog post. But first, I feel there are a few fundamental thoughts I came to in my own experience that I'd like for you to consider.
Number 1 - please don't try to use all five tools at the same time! If you think of a toolbox you have at home, it may help give you a mental picture of how this works. You would never reach into your toolbox and try to use a hammer, screwdriver, wrench, saw, and tape measure at the same time! It's the same with these depression tools - you will probably want to use no more than two at a time together.
Number 2 - have a look at the list and decide which one (or two) feel most doable for you right now. Start with those. If you find they are not working, then experiment with some of the others. You may find that you have energy to focus on only one tool. Or you may find a combination of two works better than a combination of another two. Which one(s) you choose to use are completely personal to how you are in the moment.
Number 3 - these tools are not quick-fix schemes. Depression has often been likened to walking through mud. When you find yourself in thigh-deep mud, you don't just hop out of it. You keep
making progress (although often painfully slow) until you realise that the mud is only knee deep, and then calf deep, and then ankle deep. The speed of the progress varies from person to person. But take note of where the depression mud feels every couple of days. Sometimes it feels deeper, sometimes the same, and sometimes shallower. You might even want to chart your experience so you can have a long view of your journey.
Number 4 - Depression ends when depression ends. If you've been experiencing depression for a while you will have probably run into some well-meaning but misinformed friends who have said something like, "Just snap out of it" or "Look at the bright side of life". The tools we will look at next help you manage the depression, and may give you needed direction as you slog through the mud. But telling yourself that you have to be done with depression by a certain time frame is both unhelpful and unfair to you.
Number 5 - Find someone to share your walk. I'm not saying to go look for someone else who is worse off than you. I am saying to find a friend, family member, or counsellor who will not try to fix you, but will instead listen to your journey and be with you in the moment. Finding validation from a trusted person can often be one of the more helpful experiences when going through depression.
When I went through my short, sharp walk with depression, I had to remind myself of these above thoughts often. There were some very dark days when getting out of bed was THE accomplishment of the day. You may be feeling something of the same. If you want someone to talk with you about this, please contact me through this website. You don't have to go through depression alone. There is a way through.
I'll list the five tools in my next blog post. But first, I feel there are a few fundamental thoughts I came to in my own experience that I'd like for you to consider.
Number 1 - please don't try to use all five tools at the same time! If you think of a toolbox you have at home, it may help give you a mental picture of how this works. You would never reach into your toolbox and try to use a hammer, screwdriver, wrench, saw, and tape measure at the same time! It's the same with these depression tools - you will probably want to use no more than two at a time together.
Number 2 - have a look at the list and decide which one (or two) feel most doable for you right now. Start with those. If you find they are not working, then experiment with some of the others. You may find that you have energy to focus on only one tool. Or you may find a combination of two works better than a combination of another two. Which one(s) you choose to use are completely personal to how you are in the moment.
Number 3 - these tools are not quick-fix schemes. Depression has often been likened to walking through mud. When you find yourself in thigh-deep mud, you don't just hop out of it. You keep
Number 4 - Depression ends when depression ends. If you've been experiencing depression for a while you will have probably run into some well-meaning but misinformed friends who have said something like, "Just snap out of it" or "Look at the bright side of life". The tools we will look at next help you manage the depression, and may give you needed direction as you slog through the mud. But telling yourself that you have to be done with depression by a certain time frame is both unhelpful and unfair to you.
Number 5 - Find someone to share your walk. I'm not saying to go look for someone else who is worse off than you. I am saying to find a friend, family member, or counsellor who will not try to fix you, but will instead listen to your journey and be with you in the moment. Finding validation from a trusted person can often be one of the more helpful experiences when going through depression.
When I went through my short, sharp walk with depression, I had to remind myself of these above thoughts often. There were some very dark days when getting out of bed was THE accomplishment of the day. You may be feeling something of the same. If you want someone to talk with you about this, please contact me through this website. You don't have to go through depression alone. There is a way through.