over-thinking
A Word About Overthinking
“There’s too much overthinking going on.”
“We don’t want to overthink this.”
“Do you think we’re overthinking?”
I hear people in the counselling room saying similar things about the issues they’re going through.
“I think I overthink too much.”
“My wife's problem is that she is overthinking about what I say to her.”
“How do I stop overthinking about this?”
In actuality, I don’t think most people’s problem is overthinking; I think it is underthinking!
Follow my logic for a moment:
Problem event: “I might lose my job because the business isn’t making money during this pandemic.”
Responding thought process:
- “What will happen if I lose my job?”
- “I’ll lose my house – I’ll get kicked out on the streets – the government will take my kids away – I’ll have to steal to get food – I’ll get arrested and thrown in prison – I’ll die all alone!”
- "Help! I’m overthinking!!!!"
- The business does have savings that can be tapped into.
- The government is giving some help to businesses to help pay their employees
- The business leaders are pretty creative and can find some other ways for the business to make money during this pandemic.
- I do have some personal savings I can rely on
- My expenses are way down meaning the money I do have will last longer
- The banks are offering mortgage holidays to help people in my situation which will keep me from losing my house
- I have some pretty marketable skills and will probably be able to find another job pretty quickly
The hypothetical overthinker who ended up dying in prison alone actually under-thought the possibilities. This person only thought long enough to find one possible financial impact of the pandemic rather than creating a list of possibilities.
If you are struggling in this way, can I invite you to consider a different way of thinking through problems?
- Identify the problem event. Be clear on what is actually happening – not what you think might be happening.
- Identify all the possible reasons or results for what has happened. All of them. Every single possibility – even if you think it is ridiculous.
- Now go back through your list and give a general percentage of how possible that thought might be.
- For example:
- I’m going to lose my house and be out on the street (5%)
- I do have some personal savings I can rely on (25%)
- My expenses are way down meaning the money I do have will last longer (75%)
- The banks are offering mortgage holidays to help people in my situation which will keep me from losing my house (90%)
- I have some pretty marketable skills and will probably be able to find another job pretty quickly (75%)
So if you get caught up in an “overthinking trail”, stop and ask yourself if you are actually underthinking the possibilities. Get a piece of paper, write all the stuff, give it a percentage, and then take a breath, reminding yourself that most of what we fear never actually happens.