care
Helping Your Pastor Avoid Burn-Out
11/12/19 Filed in: Caring for Your Pastor
This is the time of year when opportunities for Burn-Out pick up momentum and power. Many pastors adopt a hold-on-tight-and-just-get-through mentality to help them survive this time of year. Wouldn’t it be great if this year was different?
I’m writing this more for those NOT in church leadership, and there is a reason for this.
I have found over the last number of years in doing pastoral care that those in ministry typically have no problem making sacrifices to help others in need. “Call me at 2:30am and I’m there!” And they mean it! There’s even a bit of excitement about getting to do something like that. It’s what pastors are built for.
I also have found that those in church leadership usually, although often begrudgingly, learn to accept help from others. The older a pastor gets and the longer the ministry tenure is, the more the pastor realises he just can’t do everything by himself. Events of life teach pastors that they really do need others: the birth of a first child, waking up on a Sunday morning with a violent stomach flu (or kidney stone – that was my experience), dealing with messy personalities on the leadership team, walking through a complicated building programme, etc. all have an undeniable way of teaching pastors they need others.
So those in ministry do a great job of taking care of others. They learn to accept help from others. But they tend to absolutely stink at taking care of themselves! It just feels too selfish. I’ve worked to help those in ministry learn that if they don’t take care of themselves, they won’t be around to do God’s work very long. But that is a difficult message to accept, at least until they come to the point of burn out.
So – you NOT in church leadership – can I ask you to take a look at your church leaders and assess whether they are showing signs of burn-out?
Something else to be aware of as you read through this list: some of these characteristics are personality-driven. In other words, your pastor may do some of these because that is how he is wired, not because he is burned out. What to look for is change. If something you read below is a new way your pastor is being, that is something to be concerned about. Burn-out is a reaction to being overwhelmed. If you see something new in your pastor that is on this list, please check to see how he or she is doing!
Now the list. Oh, one more thing. This list is gleaned from several sources: personal experience, counselling other pastors, and reading articles on the web. I have listed indicators that might be evident to someone looking in from the outside.
Physical Signs
- Little or no physical exercise. For busy pastors, one of the first things that gets jettisoned is exercise. Yet exercise has been proven to be an essential element of balance in the busy person’s life.
- Rarely taking a day off. I remember bragging that I was putting in 80-90 hours a week and not taking a day off for months. And folks, that is nothing to brag about because that is not how God wants us to live. Check with your pastor to see if he is actually taking his day off.
- Rarely taking a vacation. I knew of a pastor who was proud of the fact that he had not taken a vacation in years. We all knew it because his health was broken, his family was a wreck, and he had lost his compassion for people and passion for ministry.
- Frequent head colds. If your pastor seems to be struggling with minor health issues more frequently, it may be a sign that he or she is just really run down and needs a break.
- Dizziness, sleeplessness, headaches, and stomach pains. These were some of the symptoms I experienced when I got to the very edge of burn-out. Once I corrected my path, these symptoms went away almost immediately! They are the body’s way of yelling, “Hey! Slow down!!”
Emotional Signs
- Unusually negative and argumentative. Even the most optimistic pastor has a bad day once in a while. That’s not what I’m talking about. If you have noticed that your pastor is quick on the draw, it might be because burn-out has robbed him of patience.
- Disproportionate anger. We’ve all seen this at some point somewhere. It’s often illustrated in the “Well, that escalated quickly” memes. If a pastor goes from 0-60 on the anger scale in Olympic record time, it may show he needs to take a break.
- Cynicism and/or sarcasm. These are two emotional responses that come largely from a place of defensiveness. When a pastor feels the world is closing in on him, these become part of the arsenal for self-protection.
- Infrequent laughter. Burn-out sucks the joy out of life. If you’re at this year’s church Christmas party or watching the children’s Christmas pageant (two places where there is usually plenty to laugh at), just take notice of your pastor. Is he enjoying this as well? Is she relaxed enough to join in the laughter?
Mental Signs
- Making careless mistakes. Pastoring a church of any size requires a pastor to keep a lot of balls in the air. If your pastor is missing meetings, forgetting promised visits, making a hash of his sermon delivery, or any other number of uncharacteristic mistakes, it may be because his mental stamina is on the edge due to burn-out.
- Repeating stories. I’m hitting that age where this is a characteristic that is more a sign of getting older than burn-out. That’s a different thing altogether. However, if your pastor seems to be frequently forgetting that he already told you something just a few minutes or even days ago, it may be because he is not able to be mentally present in conversations. And that can be a sign of burn-out.
Relational Signs
- Not saying “no” to requests for time. If your pastor is at every meeting and every event, is doing all the hospital and shut-in visitation, has to book appointments weeks in advance because he already has too many appointments, he might need help in saying “no”. Pastors can be pretty bad at doing this, so it may take an intervention-style meeting to give him “permission” to take care of himself by excusing himself from some of those many commitments.
- Not being paid fairly. I’ve met very few pastors who are in ministry for the money. I’ve met many pastors who forgo much-needed pay rises because the church has other pressing financial needs. Christmas is a great time to bless your pastor with a generous…a GENEROUS… love offering. It’s about more than just the money; it’s a great way to show your pastor how much you love him and his family.
- Talking often about how busy he is. This may be a subconscious activity, or it may be his polite way of crying for help! If your pastor is talking about his busy schedule more than usual, instead of pulling out your lecture on pride, check to see if he is at the edge of burn-out and just doesn’t know what to do.
Spiritual Signs
- Preaching a lot of repeat sermons. Look, there are only so many ways you can preach the Christmas story. So, give him a break if the notes in your Bible show he preached this sermon 2,5, and 8 years ago. Beyond that, though, if your pastor is preaching mostly re-runs, it may be because he just doesn’t have the mental, emotional, or spiritual energy to develop new ones. Instead of criticising your pastor, check with him about burn-out possibilities.
- An appearance of dryness in his everyday walk with God. This is a tricky one; you certainly don’t want to get judgemental. But sometimes there is a real issue that needs to be addressed. You might just have a gut feeling, or maybe you really sense the Holy Spirit is helping you see something that needs to be spoken to. But again, if you feel this may be describing your pastor, please see it as something to lovingly address rather than criticise.
So you have just read through this list and now have some concerns that your pastor may be facing burn-out. What do you do? May I suggest a few ideas?
- Pray for your pastor and his family. Pray for them. Pray for them.
- Give this article to your pastor and share with him your concerns for him. Ask him how he is doing and if there is anything you can do to help lighten his burden.
- Write your pastor a note thanking him for his ministry and assuring him of your support.
- Check with your church leadership to see if they are aware of the possible burn-out and see if they have anything in place to help prevent it. Offer to be a part of providing good loving care for your pastor.
Too many good men and women leave church ministry every year because of burn-out. Please don’t let your pastor be part of that statistic!
Showing Your Pastor Appreciation
07/10/19 Filed in: Caring for Your Pastor
I'm beginning to see that a lot of church people are starting to accept the fact that pastoring is a difficult job. And I'm encouraged by that. Perhaps you've realised that as well about your pastor…AND his wife! Let's not forget the pastor's wife, a role that I think may be the hardest role in a church setting! But that's for another article on another day.
I'd like to encourage you to think about how you can encourage your pastor and his wife this month. If you do a web search, you'll fine a plethora of articles giving suggestions on how to do this. Let this be one more. My short list is based on how I've been personally encouraged over the years, and how I've personally seen other pastors encouraged over the years.
1. Write your pastor (and wife) a handwritten card and hand deliver it. Emails are easy, and they're ok. But a handwritten, hand-delivered card says so much more. Many pastors have files where they keep these sort of cards as a place to go when they need encouragement. So be specific in that card. Tell them what you appreciate about them. Assure them of your love and prayers. Ask yourself how you can write something that will encourage them on their darkest day. But please be genuine!
2. Share with them verbally some specifics of how their ministry has impacted you recently. Pastors hear many times as people leave the service, "Thanks for the sermon, today, Pastor. It was good." Or something like that. It's nice to hear, but after you hear the same thing over and over, it kind of becomes, well, as meaningful as "Have a good day!" Stop and tell the pastor how God has used him in some specific way to help you become more like Jesus. Tell him what has changed in your life. That's what pastors want more than anything else - to see people becoming more like the Saviour. So let him…and his wife…know how their ministry is helping you move toward that goal.
3. Gift certificates. Amazon, iTunes, local book stores, restaurants, clothing stores, salons, etc. Gift certificates are great. Especially the ones that don't have expiration dates on them. Just please don't give cash. Cash tends to get used on ministry stuff or day-to-day needs stuff. It gets added into the shuffle of expenses and bills. But gift certificates have to be used for specific items. And when those certificates are used, it's another reminder of your appreciation.
4. Make a public presentation to them in church. This might take some planning and negotiation of how things are done in your church, but take time out of a church service to publicly honour the couple who God has placed as shepherds in the church. Sure they might be a bit embarrassed, but it will do more for them than you can imagine.
5. Start a savings fund this October to present to them next October as a gift for a trip away. Again this will take some planning, but you can do it! Many in church ministry just don't have the funds to be able to take a holiday. And if they do, I'm willing to bet it's because they have done a lot of personal sacrificing to save for it. Imagine if your church family put aside some money all year long and then pooled it as a travel gift to your pastor. It doesn't have to be extravagant, but getting the opportunity to go away without having to pinch pennies the whole time will be a great encouragement!
So that's my five added to the many, many other ways possible to encourage your pastor. Whatever you choose to do, please remember to take care of your pastor and his family. They have given up more than you will ever know in following God's call to serve you. It will be nice for them to know you appreciate it.