Church Pastors and Depression
16/03/19 Filed in: Church Leadership
Pastor, I encourage you to read this excellent article listing five reasons pastors struggle with depression. And especially read and re-read this sentence... "If you are a pastor reading this post and you are struggling with depression, please get help."
In my work with pastors - and looking at the times I've struggled along this line - I would add four more to his list.
1. High expectations. We all know congregations can sometimes have expectations no one can meet. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the expectations pastors place upon themselves. "I should have my act together by now." "I shouldn't still be struggling with this sin." "I should be more like Jesus in every area." "I should be out on visitation right now." "I should be growing the church." And the list of shoulds and shouldn'ts continue. Can I invite you to exchange that word, should, for this phrase: "I would like to..." Now go back and re-read those statements above but substitute "I would like to" for "should." What is the impact on you when you do that? For some reason, that word, should, carries a huge baggage of shame with it. Changing the wording may give you some relief.
2. Isolation. Perhaps you were taught about the pastoral role
that you can't have close friends in ministry. Perhaps you were taught that applying the instruction Paul gave to Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:12 means you need to hide when you aren't living up to what you assume is a good example. The problem is that this teaching leads to isolation. I used to think that was a good thing. "All I need is God." Sounds so strong, doesn't it? Yet, compare that to Genesis 2:18. It is not good that man should be alone. Before sin…BEFORE sin…God designed us to need other humans. Pastor, when you hide behind your ministry masks, you isolate yourself from human connection. I'm not saying to let it all hang out on Sunday morning (the people DO need to see Jesus), but I do strongly encourage you to find someone OUTSIDE of your church you can be completely honest with. One of the strongest compounders of depression is feeling like you're in this all by yourself. You're not! Share your struggles with someone who can support you!
3. Distractions. Pastors enter ministry with a goal - a passion - a focus - a purpose. Whatever you want to call it, you know what it is you want to do. However, the stuff of day-to-day ministry and general life gets louder and louder as you go. You get to the point where you are looking longingly at the ministry activities you want to be doing, but you have to look past a host of distractions that are clamouring for your attention. And the further you get pushed away from your passion, the stronger the magnet of depression becomes. So take a look at all those "responsibilities." Do they really HAVE to be done? Do you really need to spend half an hour finding just the right font for your handout? Do you really have to answer all those emails? Do you really have to…? (You know what distractions you need to get honest about.) And if the answer is YES, then ask yourself if there someone else who can take care of those administrative-ish, non-pastoral tasks? You have a life calling and passion. The more you can be doing that, the weaker depression's grip becomes.
4. Lack of Appreciation. Now, this is for any non-pastors that may be reading this in order to try and figure out what is going on with your pastor. Your pastor is not doing what he does so that he will have the praise of men and women. He is doing what he is doing because he loves God and he loves people and he wants to connect the two. That's hard work!!! Not every person, even the committed faithful in church, necessarily want to be connected to God in a real way. Yet pastors carry on this eternally valuable work! Have you ever thanked your pastor for that? "Well, I tell him I enjoy the sermon every Sunday." OK, thanks for that, but what else are you supposed to say on the way out of church? "Pastor, that one really sucked!" Please don't! But seriously, "I enjoyed the sermon" carries about as much weight as "Fine" when you are asked "How ya doing?" It's just the thing you say. So, church parishioner, when is the last time you wrote a note to your pastor thanking him for being a pastor? For being YOUR pastor? When is the last time you showed him in some tangible way that you appreciate him for more than just keeping you awake on Sunday mornings? Believe me, pastors hear plenty of criticisms. They really could use some encouragement from time to time!
So Pastor, you carry a HIGH calling with eternally significant impact! Yes, it gets very lonely, very sad, very discouraging at times. I'm not going to end this with a Bible verse pill or a nicely worded quip designed to fix everything. I just want to acknowledge that what you do is hard sometimes! And that you find it that way does not make you a failure, it makes you human.
So, please heed the advice from the article I linked to above: "If you are a pastor reading this post and you are struggling with depression, please get help."
In my work with pastors - and looking at the times I've struggled along this line - I would add four more to his list.
1. High expectations. We all know congregations can sometimes have expectations no one can meet. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the expectations pastors place upon themselves. "I should have my act together by now." "I shouldn't still be struggling with this sin." "I should be more like Jesus in every area." "I should be out on visitation right now." "I should be growing the church." And the list of shoulds and shouldn'ts continue. Can I invite you to exchange that word, should, for this phrase: "I would like to..." Now go back and re-read those statements above but substitute "I would like to" for "should." What is the impact on you when you do that? For some reason, that word, should, carries a huge baggage of shame with it. Changing the wording may give you some relief.
2. Isolation. Perhaps you were taught about the pastoral role
3. Distractions. Pastors enter ministry with a goal - a passion - a focus - a purpose. Whatever you want to call it, you know what it is you want to do. However, the stuff of day-to-day ministry and general life gets louder and louder as you go. You get to the point where you are looking longingly at the ministry activities you want to be doing, but you have to look past a host of distractions that are clamouring for your attention. And the further you get pushed away from your passion, the stronger the magnet of depression becomes. So take a look at all those "responsibilities." Do they really HAVE to be done? Do you really need to spend half an hour finding just the right font for your handout? Do you really have to answer all those emails? Do you really have to…? (You know what distractions you need to get honest about.) And if the answer is YES, then ask yourself if there someone else who can take care of those administrative-ish, non-pastoral tasks? You have a life calling and passion. The more you can be doing that, the weaker depression's grip becomes.
4. Lack of Appreciation. Now, this is for any non-pastors that may be reading this in order to try and figure out what is going on with your pastor. Your pastor is not doing what he does so that he will have the praise of men and women. He is doing what he is doing because he loves God and he loves people and he wants to connect the two. That's hard work!!! Not every person, even the committed faithful in church, necessarily want to be connected to God in a real way. Yet pastors carry on this eternally valuable work! Have you ever thanked your pastor for that? "Well, I tell him I enjoy the sermon every Sunday." OK, thanks for that, but what else are you supposed to say on the way out of church? "Pastor, that one really sucked!" Please don't! But seriously, "I enjoyed the sermon" carries about as much weight as "Fine" when you are asked "How ya doing?" It's just the thing you say. So, church parishioner, when is the last time you wrote a note to your pastor thanking him for being a pastor? For being YOUR pastor? When is the last time you showed him in some tangible way that you appreciate him for more than just keeping you awake on Sunday mornings? Believe me, pastors hear plenty of criticisms. They really could use some encouragement from time to time!
So Pastor, you carry a HIGH calling with eternally significant impact! Yes, it gets very lonely, very sad, very discouraging at times. I'm not going to end this with a Bible verse pill or a nicely worded quip designed to fix everything. I just want to acknowledge that what you do is hard sometimes! And that you find it that way does not make you a failure, it makes you human.
So, please heed the advice from the article I linked to above: "If you are a pastor reading this post and you are struggling with depression, please get help."
You, Pastor, are a valuable part of God's work on this earth.
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Don't Look, Don't Look, Don't Look. Ah, Nuts! I Looked
10/01/19 Filed in: General Thoughts
As far as Memes go, I don’t necessarily disagree with any of these twelve points on how to be mentally strong. But I do highly disagree with the idea that this is an 
inspirational meme.
I’m going to ask you two questions; notice your immediate response to your answers. Ready?
1. What is the first word in each of the twelve points?
2. What is your emotional reaction to that word?
Now hold onto those answers for a minute.
I have taught for years that using “don’t” as a method of motivation just doesn’t work. (Yes, I see what I did there.) I often illustrate its ineffectiveness by saying to a person, “Don’t look at that picture on the wall to your right. Don’t look at it. Please don’t look at it.”
Now, what does that make you want to do? Yep, LOOK AT IT!
However, if I don’t want you to look at the picture on your right, I can say, “Look at the tree out the window to your left. Look at it! Isn’t it beautiful?”
Now, what does that make you want to do? Yep, LOOK OUT THE WINDOW! And in the process, what are you not looking at? The picture to your right.
You see what I’m saying? Too often, when we are trying to make changes in our life, we focus most of our attention on what NOT to do. But as we are focusing on what NOT to do, we end up doing it! Why? Because that’s what we’re focusing on! However, when we find activities, thoughts, attitudes, etc. that are positive expressions of what we’d like to do instead, and put our focus on those things, then we don’t have time to think about the don’ts. (Yeah, I know, I did it again.)
Go back and have a look at these twelve points of how to be mentally strong. What happens when you put them in a look-here style of wording?
Enjoy alone time.
Learn from the past; live in the present; prepare for the future.
Invest energy in what you can control.
Rejoice with other people in their successes.
Do you see what happens? This now gives me proactive suggestions rather than reactive ones. And proactivity is far more powerful that reactivity.
So, don’t focus on don’ts. (Just kidding). Focus on do’s. What are you trying to change in your life? If you have a list of don’t looks, spend some time now changing them into look here’s.
I’m going to ask you two questions; notice your immediate response to your answers. Ready?
1. What is the first word in each of the twelve points?
2. What is your emotional reaction to that word?
Now hold onto those answers for a minute.
I have taught for years that using “don’t” as a method of motivation just doesn’t work. (Yes, I see what I did there.) I often illustrate its ineffectiveness by saying to a person, “Don’t look at that picture on the wall to your right. Don’t look at it. Please don’t look at it.”
Now, what does that make you want to do? Yep, LOOK AT IT!
However, if I don’t want you to look at the picture on your right, I can say, “Look at the tree out the window to your left. Look at it! Isn’t it beautiful?”
Now, what does that make you want to do? Yep, LOOK OUT THE WINDOW! And in the process, what are you not looking at? The picture to your right.
You see what I’m saying? Too often, when we are trying to make changes in our life, we focus most of our attention on what NOT to do. But as we are focusing on what NOT to do, we end up doing it! Why? Because that’s what we’re focusing on! However, when we find activities, thoughts, attitudes, etc. that are positive expressions of what we’d like to do instead, and put our focus on those things, then we don’t have time to think about the don’ts. (Yeah, I know, I did it again.)
Go back and have a look at these twelve points of how to be mentally strong. What happens when you put them in a look-here style of wording?
Enjoy alone time.
Learn from the past; live in the present; prepare for the future.
Invest energy in what you can control.
Rejoice with other people in their successes.
Do you see what happens? This now gives me proactive suggestions rather than reactive ones. And proactivity is far more powerful that reactivity.
So, don’t focus on don’ts. (Just kidding). Focus on do’s. What are you trying to change in your life? If you have a list of don’t looks, spend some time now changing them into look here’s.
Nourishing Your Soul
13/11/18 Filed in: Self-Care | Church Leadership
I remember the first time I had to wear a cast. I had broken fingers due to a soccer mishap when I was 11 years old. (Note: when you are the goalie, do NOT try to pick up the ball at the same time one of your fullbacks is kicking it!) I wore a cast up to my elbow for six weeks. It was still the hot part of the year. I was active. And sweaty. Very sweaty for an 11-year old. The inevitable itch-in-the-middle-of-the-cast developed. Have you ever had an itch you just couldn’t get to at all? Misery.
That’s the memory that was invoked when I read this
meme. Have you ever been tired in your soul - that deepest part of who you are? You can sleep all you want, but your soul still feels heavy, tired, and unenergised.
How do you recharge your soul?
Can I suggest four activities that can help answer that question?
1. Strengthen your relationship with God. Because God made the soul, He best knows how to recharge it. We live in such a small world these days with so many voices shouting their opinions. One of the consequences of that is massive distraction from what is really important. And this is one of those really important matters. I find that even church leaders can grow cold in a daily walk with God. God is seen more of a CEO they report to a few times a week, rather than Someone who has invited them to know Him on a personal basis. If you’re trying to recharge your soul without doing anything about your relationship with God, well, you might wanna rethink that!
2. Strengthen your relationship with others. I have a few friends who, when I spend time with them, absolutely recharge my soul. They get a good look at me, my strengths, my weaknesses, my dreams, my disappointments, my victories, and my defeats…and they share all that with me without judgement, unasked-for advice, or rejection. Do you have someone in your life you can bear everything to and know they will love and accept you regardless? These kinds of friends are priceless, and those friendships need to be protected with everything you have. If you don’t have that kind of friend, be assured there are others looking for you…because they don’t have that kind of friend either. Explore the friendships you have; see if you can nurture some of them into soul-nourishing relationships.
3. Do self-care…really. Self-care is the buzzword of the 2000s. Some like to write it off by complaining that our generation has become a bunch of softies who would never be able to stand the rigors of past generations. That may be so for some, but take a look at the environment in which this generation lives. When do we EVER switch off? When do we get to disconnect from the expectations, responsibilities, and busyness of our lives? One of my favourite moments from the Andy Griffith show is when Andy and Barney are sitting on Andy’s porch. They have a five minute conversation that goes something like this: B: “You know what I’m going to do?” (Long pause) A: “No, what?” (Long pause) B: “I’m gonna go down to the fillin’ station and get me a bottle of pop.” (Long pause) B: “Ye-e-e-e-p, I’m gonna go down to the fillin’ station and get me a bottle of pop.” (Long pause) A: “Yep. Sounds good.” (very long pause). B: “Ye-e-e-e-p, I’m gonna go down to the fillin’ station and get me a bottle of pop.” And then the conversation starts all over again. I don’t know if Barney ever did go get that bottle of pop, but you know what they were doing? Self-care! When is the last time you sat quietly for any length of time and did NOTHING? When is the last time you disconnected from your responsibility and expectations? Even if you’re an active relaxer, you still need to disconnect so you can recharge your soul.
4. Build your knowledge. I have found that if I’m not learning, my soul gets weary. I think we are built with an intrinsic desire to learn. There is something soul-nourishing about growing our understanding of something in this world. So whether it be learning a new skill, joining a book club, reading about history, or any of the myriad of methods of growing knowledge, this is a vital tool in nourishing your soul. When is the last time you learned something because YOU initiated the learning? I’m not talking about having to learn something for school or a job, but because it interested you. Pick up a book, take a class, learn something. It will bring back energy to your soul.
So there you have it, four ways of scratching an itch that sleep can’t reach. Re-energising your soul.
Do you have methods you have found useful in accomplishing this? Why not share those below to help others on their journey.
That’s the memory that was invoked when I read this
How do you recharge your soul?
Can I suggest four activities that can help answer that question?
1. Strengthen your relationship with God. Because God made the soul, He best knows how to recharge it. We live in such a small world these days with so many voices shouting their opinions. One of the consequences of that is massive distraction from what is really important. And this is one of those really important matters. I find that even church leaders can grow cold in a daily walk with God. God is seen more of a CEO they report to a few times a week, rather than Someone who has invited them to know Him on a personal basis. If you’re trying to recharge your soul without doing anything about your relationship with God, well, you might wanna rethink that!
2. Strengthen your relationship with others. I have a few friends who, when I spend time with them, absolutely recharge my soul. They get a good look at me, my strengths, my weaknesses, my dreams, my disappointments, my victories, and my defeats…and they share all that with me without judgement, unasked-for advice, or rejection. Do you have someone in your life you can bear everything to and know they will love and accept you regardless? These kinds of friends are priceless, and those friendships need to be protected with everything you have. If you don’t have that kind of friend, be assured there are others looking for you…because they don’t have that kind of friend either. Explore the friendships you have; see if you can nurture some of them into soul-nourishing relationships.
3. Do self-care…really. Self-care is the buzzword of the 2000s. Some like to write it off by complaining that our generation has become a bunch of softies who would never be able to stand the rigors of past generations. That may be so for some, but take a look at the environment in which this generation lives. When do we EVER switch off? When do we get to disconnect from the expectations, responsibilities, and busyness of our lives? One of my favourite moments from the Andy Griffith show is when Andy and Barney are sitting on Andy’s porch. They have a five minute conversation that goes something like this: B: “You know what I’m going to do?” (Long pause) A: “No, what?” (Long pause) B: “I’m gonna go down to the fillin’ station and get me a bottle of pop.” (Long pause) B: “Ye-e-e-e-p, I’m gonna go down to the fillin’ station and get me a bottle of pop.” (Long pause) A: “Yep. Sounds good.” (very long pause). B: “Ye-e-e-e-p, I’m gonna go down to the fillin’ station and get me a bottle of pop.” And then the conversation starts all over again. I don’t know if Barney ever did go get that bottle of pop, but you know what they were doing? Self-care! When is the last time you sat quietly for any length of time and did NOTHING? When is the last time you disconnected from your responsibility and expectations? Even if you’re an active relaxer, you still need to disconnect so you can recharge your soul.
4. Build your knowledge. I have found that if I’m not learning, my soul gets weary. I think we are built with an intrinsic desire to learn. There is something soul-nourishing about growing our understanding of something in this world. So whether it be learning a new skill, joining a book club, reading about history, or any of the myriad of methods of growing knowledge, this is a vital tool in nourishing your soul. When is the last time you learned something because YOU initiated the learning? I’m not talking about having to learn something for school or a job, but because it interested you. Pick up a book, take a class, learn something. It will bring back energy to your soul.
So there you have it, four ways of scratching an itch that sleep can’t reach. Re-energising your soul.
Do you have methods you have found useful in accomplishing this? Why not share those below to help others on their journey.
Yeah, nah
05/11/18 Filed in: Self-Care
When we moved to New Zealand from the States in 1999, we began learning Kiwi terms and slang. One of my favourite is: “Yeah, nah”. That can be interpreted in a number of ways. The way I usually use it is to communicate this: “I hear what you’re saying but I completely disagree”.
That’s how I feel about this meme. (Is that the appropriate designation for this graphic?)
Now, a handful of years ago, I would have agreed totally with that. What better way to live out your life than giving it up for others? And there are certainly times when that may be called for – insert mental images of soldiers, secret service men and women, and other such professions where the stated purpose is to protect others to the extent of giving up your life for that goal.
However, I don’t think this is what this meme is trying to get across. This meme encourages the idea of losing yourself in the life of another, of slowly burning out because you are so focused on another. And I’m not so sure that’s the best investment of our lives.
When I started my counselling training, I was also pastoring a small but active church that gave me more than my share of work to do. I got to the point where I was so busy with pastoring and education, that I started developing some very concerning physical problems. It got so serious that when visiting my counselling supervisor he refused to let me leave his office until we had this sorted out. I just couldn’t see where I could let go of anything. Then he asked me the question:
“So when you DO have this stroke, what will all these people who depend on you do then?”
It was an in-your-face-meant-to-provoke-a-strong-reaction question. And it did.
You see, I thought burning myself out for others was the way to live. But had I burned out, the work I’ve been able to do with people over the last eight years would not have happened.
I remember when I was young, hearing well-meaning speakers say, “It’s better to burn out than rust out!” Oh yeah! That’s what I wanted.
But burn out or rust out, you’re still OUT!
No, much better to live a balanced life - where you are living for something bigger than yourself, but also giving yourself opportunity to recharge your batteries so that you can continue to live for something much bigger than yourself.
I’d much rather see this meme say something like:
Now, a handful of years ago, I would have agreed totally with that. What better way to live out your life than giving it up for others? And there are certainly times when that may be called for – insert mental images of soldiers, secret service men and women, and other such professions where the stated purpose is to protect others to the extent of giving up your life for that goal.
However, I don’t think this is what this meme is trying to get across. This meme encourages the idea of losing yourself in the life of another, of slowly burning out because you are so focused on another. And I’m not so sure that’s the best investment of our lives.
When I started my counselling training, I was also pastoring a small but active church that gave me more than my share of work to do. I got to the point where I was so busy with pastoring and education, that I started developing some very concerning physical problems. It got so serious that when visiting my counselling supervisor he refused to let me leave his office until we had this sorted out. I just couldn’t see where I could let go of anything. Then he asked me the question:
“So when you DO have this stroke, what will all these people who depend on you do then?”
It was an in-your-face-meant-to-provoke-a-strong-reaction question. And it did.
You see, I thought burning myself out for others was the way to live. But had I burned out, the work I’ve been able to do with people over the last eight years would not have happened.
I remember when I was young, hearing well-meaning speakers say, “It’s better to burn out than rust out!” Oh yeah! That’s what I wanted.
But burn out or rust out, you’re still OUT!
No, much better to live a balanced life - where you are living for something bigger than yourself, but also giving yourself opportunity to recharge your batteries so that you can continue to live for something much bigger than yourself.
I’d much rather see this meme say something like:
“Good people are like rechargeable flashlights;
they take time to recharge themselves so they can continue to give others light.”
Not as pithy, but certainly a lot more healthy!
How’s your balance? Are you taking time out to regather your energy, focus, and strength? Are you burning out or managing your life in a more healthy way?
Ever try to start journaling, but just didn't know how to do it? Me too.
30/10/18 Filed in: Self-Care
Let’s start off with one thing first…I’m a 53-year old man. I like sports like ice hockey and mixed martial arts. I played football, basketball, and dabbled in baseball in high school. I just walked 900 kms across Spain. I don’t like the colour pink, nor cats. I have grown awesome beards (so I’ve been told), and love to ride my motorcycle.
And I like journaling.
I am not a 14-year old girl. I would not say I am all that in touch with my feminine side. I can’t cook, dance, or draw.
But I like to journal.
I’ve always loved the idea of writing…when I was 10 years old, I wanted to be an author when I grew up. I’ve bought a
few leather notebooks over the years to write my thoughts down. I've sat down, stared at the page, and put the notebook away for another time when I might be inspired. Up until this last year, I have never – and I mean never – been successful at journaling.
Yet, it has been identified as one of the most helpful self-care tools around these days. (Have a read of this article). And so, I decided to try it again. I read an article or two about how to do this, bought a NEW notebook, and just started it up. Now I consider it an absolute joy and necessity as part of my personal self-care. And boy, have I needed it here recently. Having just gone through a major life change (leaving a church ministry after 19 years), journaling has been a very helpful part of processing all the stuff.
I want to give you, oh one-who-wants-to-journal-but-just-can’t-seem-to-find-a-way-to-do-it-yet reader, some of the things I have found helpful for me in making this a consistent and enjoyable practice.
1. GET A COOL NOTEBOOK
Before I started journaling this time, I got another inviting notebook. My choice is Mokeskine Classic. I like the size of it, the way it fits in my hand, the simple look, the manliness of it. But you’ll find your own fit. Any stationery store worth it’s salt will have a vast collection from which to choose.
2. GET A SPECIAL PEN
Maybe I’m just weird, but I’m pretty picky about what I write with. Being left-handed, I already start way behind the 8-ball in penmanship. Plus, after years of computer work, I don’t have hand-stamina when it comes to writing. So, the fix for me was to get a fountain pen - the kind you have to dip in ink. I love it. It works for me.
3. DON’T FEEL YOU HAVE TO WRITE EVERY DAY
For someone who is organised and gets focussed on discipline, record-keeping, and keeping commitments, this was a huge find for me. I write when I want to. The longest times between writings so far is 11 days. But I’ve also written twice on a day. I write when I’m ready, and when I’m ready – I write. I don’t put it off. Because the purpose of my kind of journaling is to record how I’m feeling in that moment. If I wait until later that evening, the moment is lost.
4. WRITE FOR 15 MINUTES
This is another huge part of my consistency. I limit myself (for the most part) to 15 minutes. For me, that’s writing one page in my journal. A few times, I’ve gone two pages, and once I went three (but I had pasted a photo in there too). Limiting myself to 15 minutes does a couple of things for me. First, it gives me a stopping point. Most men – and I think I’ve already defined myself as that above – want…need… the knowledge that what they are doing will end. If I have to write “until I get everything out,” I’ll stop before I start. Second, it keeps me from writing too much detail (I’ll add more about that in a minute). I’m a details guy and can easily get lost in them. A 15-minute time limit keeps me from chasing those detail rabbits down their labyrinth of trails.
5. FORGET STRUCTURE
I’m a bit of a grammar nazi. Ask my Facebook friends. But when I’m journaling, that characteristic goes out the window. I leave out paragraphs. I don’t worry about thought progression. And I’ve even been known to end a sentence with a preposition and NO punctuation. ..... See? I can do it! With journaling, I find it more important to be thinking about the process than the product.
6. FOCUS ON THE FEELINGS
Here is where the difference between journaling and reporting comes out. I’ll write a bit about an event, but not everything that happened in it, and not everything that was said. Journaling like this is more about processing unspoken, unconscious thoughts and feelings. And sometimes, as I’m writing that out, answers to problems also come out. I don’t write for that purpose, but there is something about “free-writing” that taps into different parts of your brain that unlocks stuff you wouldn't normally get to that easily.
7. WRITE ABOUT ALL THE STUFF (the bad AND the good)
Most stereotypical thoughts on journaling are that it’s all about the bad stuff. And that certainly is a big part of this activity. However, I’ve found it just as therapeutic to write about the good things that have happened as well. This is important, especially if you are a glass-half-empty kind of person.
8. STORE IT SECURELY
If you share a house with others, you’ll want to sort this out. There’s nothing like the freedom of knowing that what I write will only be seen by me, unless I decide to share it with someone else. I have a safe for my counselling practice; it also serves as the home for my journal when I’m not writing.
9. TITLE THE ENTRIES
This is something I’ve just recently started doing. I read through each entry and picked out one phrase that summed up what I was writing about at that time. That way, I can scan the titles at the top of the page and it serves to remind me quickly what was going on that day.
So that’s me. This works for me and I can see this happening for a long time to come.
Do you have questions, thoughts, or ideas you’ve found helpful in your journaling practice? Why not share those below.
And I like journaling.
I am not a 14-year old girl. I would not say I am all that in touch with my feminine side. I can’t cook, dance, or draw.
But I like to journal.
I’ve always loved the idea of writing…when I was 10 years old, I wanted to be an author when I grew up. I’ve bought a
Yet, it has been identified as one of the most helpful self-care tools around these days. (Have a read of this article). And so, I decided to try it again. I read an article or two about how to do this, bought a NEW notebook, and just started it up. Now I consider it an absolute joy and necessity as part of my personal self-care. And boy, have I needed it here recently. Having just gone through a major life change (leaving a church ministry after 19 years), journaling has been a very helpful part of processing all the stuff.
I want to give you, oh one-who-wants-to-journal-but-just-can’t-seem-to-find-a-way-to-do-it-yet reader, some of the things I have found helpful for me in making this a consistent and enjoyable practice.
1. GET A COOL NOTEBOOK
Before I started journaling this time, I got another inviting notebook. My choice is Mokeskine Classic. I like the size of it, the way it fits in my hand, the simple look, the manliness of it. But you’ll find your own fit. Any stationery store worth it’s salt will have a vast collection from which to choose.
2. GET A SPECIAL PEN
Maybe I’m just weird, but I’m pretty picky about what I write with. Being left-handed, I already start way behind the 8-ball in penmanship. Plus, after years of computer work, I don’t have hand-stamina when it comes to writing. So, the fix for me was to get a fountain pen - the kind you have to dip in ink. I love it. It works for me.
3. DON’T FEEL YOU HAVE TO WRITE EVERY DAY
For someone who is organised and gets focussed on discipline, record-keeping, and keeping commitments, this was a huge find for me. I write when I want to. The longest times between writings so far is 11 days. But I’ve also written twice on a day. I write when I’m ready, and when I’m ready – I write. I don’t put it off. Because the purpose of my kind of journaling is to record how I’m feeling in that moment. If I wait until later that evening, the moment is lost.
4. WRITE FOR 15 MINUTES
This is another huge part of my consistency. I limit myself (for the most part) to 15 minutes. For me, that’s writing one page in my journal. A few times, I’ve gone two pages, and once I went three (but I had pasted a photo in there too). Limiting myself to 15 minutes does a couple of things for me. First, it gives me a stopping point. Most men – and I think I’ve already defined myself as that above – want…need… the knowledge that what they are doing will end. If I have to write “until I get everything out,” I’ll stop before I start. Second, it keeps me from writing too much detail (I’ll add more about that in a minute). I’m a details guy and can easily get lost in them. A 15-minute time limit keeps me from chasing those detail rabbits down their labyrinth of trails.
5. FORGET STRUCTURE
I’m a bit of a grammar nazi. Ask my Facebook friends. But when I’m journaling, that characteristic goes out the window. I leave out paragraphs. I don’t worry about thought progression. And I’ve even been known to end a sentence with a preposition and NO punctuation. ..... See? I can do it! With journaling, I find it more important to be thinking about the process than the product.
6. FOCUS ON THE FEELINGS
Here is where the difference between journaling and reporting comes out. I’ll write a bit about an event, but not everything that happened in it, and not everything that was said. Journaling like this is more about processing unspoken, unconscious thoughts and feelings. And sometimes, as I’m writing that out, answers to problems also come out. I don’t write for that purpose, but there is something about “free-writing” that taps into different parts of your brain that unlocks stuff you wouldn't normally get to that easily.
7. WRITE ABOUT ALL THE STUFF (the bad AND the good)
Most stereotypical thoughts on journaling are that it’s all about the bad stuff. And that certainly is a big part of this activity. However, I’ve found it just as therapeutic to write about the good things that have happened as well. This is important, especially if you are a glass-half-empty kind of person.
8. STORE IT SECURELY
If you share a house with others, you’ll want to sort this out. There’s nothing like the freedom of knowing that what I write will only be seen by me, unless I decide to share it with someone else. I have a safe for my counselling practice; it also serves as the home for my journal when I’m not writing.
9. TITLE THE ENTRIES
This is something I’ve just recently started doing. I read through each entry and picked out one phrase that summed up what I was writing about at that time. That way, I can scan the titles at the top of the page and it serves to remind me quickly what was going on that day.
So that’s me. This works for me and I can see this happening for a long time to come.
Do you have questions, thoughts, or ideas you’ve found helpful in your journaling practice? Why not share those below.