Church Leadership
Church Pastors and Depression
16/03/19
Pastor, I encourage you to read this excellent article listing five reasons pastors struggle with depression. And especially read and re-read this sentence... "If you are a pastor reading this post and you are struggling with depression, please get help."
In my work with pastors - and looking at the times I've struggled along this line - I would add four more to his list.
1. High expectations. We all know congregations can sometimes have expectations no one can meet. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the expectations pastors place upon themselves. "I should have my act together by now." "I shouldn't still be struggling with this sin." "I should be more like Jesus in every area." "I should be out on visitation right now." "I should be growing the church." And the list of shoulds and shouldn'ts continue. Can I invite you to exchange that word, should, for this phrase: "I would like to..." Now go back and re-read those statements above but substitute "I would like to" for "should." What is the impact on you when you do that? For some reason, that word, should, carries a huge baggage of shame with it. Changing the wording may give you some relief.
2. Isolation. Perhaps you were taught about the pastoral role
that you can't have close friends in ministry. Perhaps you were taught that applying the instruction Paul gave to Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:12 means you need to hide when you aren't living up to what you assume is a good example. The problem is that this teaching leads to isolation. I used to think that was a good thing. "All I need is God." Sounds so strong, doesn't it? Yet, compare that to Genesis 2:18. It is not good that man should be alone. Before sin…BEFORE sin…God designed us to need other humans. Pastor, when you hide behind your ministry masks, you isolate yourself from human connection. I'm not saying to let it all hang out on Sunday morning (the people DO need to see Jesus), but I do strongly encourage you to find someone OUTSIDE of your church you can be completely honest with. One of the strongest compounders of depression is feeling like you're in this all by yourself. You're not! Share your struggles with someone who can support you!
3. Distractions. Pastors enter ministry with a goal - a passion - a focus - a purpose. Whatever you want to call it, you know what it is you want to do. However, the stuff of day-to-day ministry and general life gets louder and louder as you go. You get to the point where you are looking longingly at the ministry activities you want to be doing, but you have to look past a host of distractions that are clamouring for your attention. And the further you get pushed away from your passion, the stronger the magnet of depression becomes. So take a look at all those "responsibilities." Do they really HAVE to be done? Do you really need to spend half an hour finding just the right font for your handout? Do you really have to answer all those emails? Do you really have to…? (You know what distractions you need to get honest about.) And if the answer is YES, then ask yourself if there someone else who can take care of those administrative-ish, non-pastoral tasks? You have a life calling and passion. The more you can be doing that, the weaker depression's grip becomes.
4. Lack of Appreciation. Now, this is for any non-pastors that may be reading this in order to try and figure out what is going on with your pastor. Your pastor is not doing what he does so that he will have the praise of men and women. He is doing what he is doing because he loves God and he loves people and he wants to connect the two. That's hard work!!! Not every person, even the committed faithful in church, necessarily want to be connected to God in a real way. Yet pastors carry on this eternally valuable work! Have you ever thanked your pastor for that? "Well, I tell him I enjoy the sermon every Sunday." OK, thanks for that, but what else are you supposed to say on the way out of church? "Pastor, that one really sucked!" Please don't! But seriously, "I enjoyed the sermon" carries about as much weight as "Fine" when you are asked "How ya doing?" It's just the thing you say. So, church parishioner, when is the last time you wrote a note to your pastor thanking him for being a pastor? For being YOUR pastor? When is the last time you showed him in some tangible way that you appreciate him for more than just keeping you awake on Sunday mornings? Believe me, pastors hear plenty of criticisms. They really could use some encouragement from time to time!
So Pastor, you carry a HIGH calling with eternally significant impact! Yes, it gets very lonely, very sad, very discouraging at times. I'm not going to end this with a Bible verse pill or a nicely worded quip designed to fix everything. I just want to acknowledge that what you do is hard sometimes! And that you find it that way does not make you a failure, it makes you human.
So, please heed the advice from the article I linked to above: "If you are a pastor reading this post and you are struggling with depression, please get help."
In my work with pastors - and looking at the times I've struggled along this line - I would add four more to his list.
1. High expectations. We all know congregations can sometimes have expectations no one can meet. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the expectations pastors place upon themselves. "I should have my act together by now." "I shouldn't still be struggling with this sin." "I should be more like Jesus in every area." "I should be out on visitation right now." "I should be growing the church." And the list of shoulds and shouldn'ts continue. Can I invite you to exchange that word, should, for this phrase: "I would like to..." Now go back and re-read those statements above but substitute "I would like to" for "should." What is the impact on you when you do that? For some reason, that word, should, carries a huge baggage of shame with it. Changing the wording may give you some relief.
2. Isolation. Perhaps you were taught about the pastoral role
3. Distractions. Pastors enter ministry with a goal - a passion - a focus - a purpose. Whatever you want to call it, you know what it is you want to do. However, the stuff of day-to-day ministry and general life gets louder and louder as you go. You get to the point where you are looking longingly at the ministry activities you want to be doing, but you have to look past a host of distractions that are clamouring for your attention. And the further you get pushed away from your passion, the stronger the magnet of depression becomes. So take a look at all those "responsibilities." Do they really HAVE to be done? Do you really need to spend half an hour finding just the right font for your handout? Do you really have to answer all those emails? Do you really have to…? (You know what distractions you need to get honest about.) And if the answer is YES, then ask yourself if there someone else who can take care of those administrative-ish, non-pastoral tasks? You have a life calling and passion. The more you can be doing that, the weaker depression's grip becomes.
4. Lack of Appreciation. Now, this is for any non-pastors that may be reading this in order to try and figure out what is going on with your pastor. Your pastor is not doing what he does so that he will have the praise of men and women. He is doing what he is doing because he loves God and he loves people and he wants to connect the two. That's hard work!!! Not every person, even the committed faithful in church, necessarily want to be connected to God in a real way. Yet pastors carry on this eternally valuable work! Have you ever thanked your pastor for that? "Well, I tell him I enjoy the sermon every Sunday." OK, thanks for that, but what else are you supposed to say on the way out of church? "Pastor, that one really sucked!" Please don't! But seriously, "I enjoyed the sermon" carries about as much weight as "Fine" when you are asked "How ya doing?" It's just the thing you say. So, church parishioner, when is the last time you wrote a note to your pastor thanking him for being a pastor? For being YOUR pastor? When is the last time you showed him in some tangible way that you appreciate him for more than just keeping you awake on Sunday mornings? Believe me, pastors hear plenty of criticisms. They really could use some encouragement from time to time!
So Pastor, you carry a HIGH calling with eternally significant impact! Yes, it gets very lonely, very sad, very discouraging at times. I'm not going to end this with a Bible verse pill or a nicely worded quip designed to fix everything. I just want to acknowledge that what you do is hard sometimes! And that you find it that way does not make you a failure, it makes you human.
So, please heed the advice from the article I linked to above: "If you are a pastor reading this post and you are struggling with depression, please get help."
You, Pastor, are a valuable part of God's work on this earth.
Comments
Nourishing Your Soul
13/11/18
I remember the first time I had to wear a cast. I had broken fingers due to a soccer mishap when I was 11 years old. (Note: when you are the goalie, do NOT try to pick up the ball at the same time one of your fullbacks is kicking it!) I wore a cast up to my elbow for six weeks. It was still the hot part of the year. I was active. And sweaty. Very sweaty for an 11-year old. The inevitable itch-in-the-middle-of-the-cast developed. Have you ever had an itch you just couldn’t get to at all? Misery.
That’s the memory that was invoked when I read this
meme. Have you ever been tired in your soul - that deepest part of who you are? You can sleep all you want, but your soul still feels heavy, tired, and unenergised.
How do you recharge your soul?
Can I suggest four activities that can help answer that question?
1. Strengthen your relationship with God. Because God made the soul, He best knows how to recharge it. We live in such a small world these days with so many voices shouting their opinions. One of the consequences of that is massive distraction from what is really important. And this is one of those really important matters. I find that even church leaders can grow cold in a daily walk with God. God is seen more of a CEO they report to a few times a week, rather than Someone who has invited them to know Him on a personal basis. If you’re trying to recharge your soul without doing anything about your relationship with God, well, you might wanna rethink that!
2. Strengthen your relationship with others. I have a few friends who, when I spend time with them, absolutely recharge my soul. They get a good look at me, my strengths, my weaknesses, my dreams, my disappointments, my victories, and my defeats…and they share all that with me without judgement, unasked-for advice, or rejection. Do you have someone in your life you can bear everything to and know they will love and accept you regardless? These kinds of friends are priceless, and those friendships need to be protected with everything you have. If you don’t have that kind of friend, be assured there are others looking for you…because they don’t have that kind of friend either. Explore the friendships you have; see if you can nurture some of them into soul-nourishing relationships.
3. Do self-care…really. Self-care is the buzzword of the 2000s. Some like to write it off by complaining that our generation has become a bunch of softies who would never be able to stand the rigors of past generations. That may be so for some, but take a look at the environment in which this generation lives. When do we EVER switch off? When do we get to disconnect from the expectations, responsibilities, and busyness of our lives? One of my favourite moments from the Andy Griffith show is when Andy and Barney are sitting on Andy’s porch. They have a five minute conversation that goes something like this: B: “You know what I’m going to do?” (Long pause) A: “No, what?” (Long pause) B: “I’m gonna go down to the fillin’ station and get me a bottle of pop.” (Long pause) B: “Ye-e-e-e-p, I’m gonna go down to the fillin’ station and get me a bottle of pop.” (Long pause) A: “Yep. Sounds good.” (very long pause). B: “Ye-e-e-e-p, I’m gonna go down to the fillin’ station and get me a bottle of pop.” And then the conversation starts all over again. I don’t know if Barney ever did go get that bottle of pop, but you know what they were doing? Self-care! When is the last time you sat quietly for any length of time and did NOTHING? When is the last time you disconnected from your responsibility and expectations? Even if you’re an active relaxer, you still need to disconnect so you can recharge your soul.
4. Build your knowledge. I have found that if I’m not learning, my soul gets weary. I think we are built with an intrinsic desire to learn. There is something soul-nourishing about growing our understanding of something in this world. So whether it be learning a new skill, joining a book club, reading about history, or any of the myriad of methods of growing knowledge, this is a vital tool in nourishing your soul. When is the last time you learned something because YOU initiated the learning? I’m not talking about having to learn something for school or a job, but because it interested you. Pick up a book, take a class, learn something. It will bring back energy to your soul.
So there you have it, four ways of scratching an itch that sleep can’t reach. Re-energising your soul.
Do you have methods you have found useful in accomplishing this? Why not share those below to help others on their journey.
That’s the memory that was invoked when I read this
How do you recharge your soul?
Can I suggest four activities that can help answer that question?
1. Strengthen your relationship with God. Because God made the soul, He best knows how to recharge it. We live in such a small world these days with so many voices shouting their opinions. One of the consequences of that is massive distraction from what is really important. And this is one of those really important matters. I find that even church leaders can grow cold in a daily walk with God. God is seen more of a CEO they report to a few times a week, rather than Someone who has invited them to know Him on a personal basis. If you’re trying to recharge your soul without doing anything about your relationship with God, well, you might wanna rethink that!
2. Strengthen your relationship with others. I have a few friends who, when I spend time with them, absolutely recharge my soul. They get a good look at me, my strengths, my weaknesses, my dreams, my disappointments, my victories, and my defeats…and they share all that with me without judgement, unasked-for advice, or rejection. Do you have someone in your life you can bear everything to and know they will love and accept you regardless? These kinds of friends are priceless, and those friendships need to be protected with everything you have. If you don’t have that kind of friend, be assured there are others looking for you…because they don’t have that kind of friend either. Explore the friendships you have; see if you can nurture some of them into soul-nourishing relationships.
3. Do self-care…really. Self-care is the buzzword of the 2000s. Some like to write it off by complaining that our generation has become a bunch of softies who would never be able to stand the rigors of past generations. That may be so for some, but take a look at the environment in which this generation lives. When do we EVER switch off? When do we get to disconnect from the expectations, responsibilities, and busyness of our lives? One of my favourite moments from the Andy Griffith show is when Andy and Barney are sitting on Andy’s porch. They have a five minute conversation that goes something like this: B: “You know what I’m going to do?” (Long pause) A: “No, what?” (Long pause) B: “I’m gonna go down to the fillin’ station and get me a bottle of pop.” (Long pause) B: “Ye-e-e-e-p, I’m gonna go down to the fillin’ station and get me a bottle of pop.” (Long pause) A: “Yep. Sounds good.” (very long pause). B: “Ye-e-e-e-p, I’m gonna go down to the fillin’ station and get me a bottle of pop.” And then the conversation starts all over again. I don’t know if Barney ever did go get that bottle of pop, but you know what they were doing? Self-care! When is the last time you sat quietly for any length of time and did NOTHING? When is the last time you disconnected from your responsibility and expectations? Even if you’re an active relaxer, you still need to disconnect so you can recharge your soul.
4. Build your knowledge. I have found that if I’m not learning, my soul gets weary. I think we are built with an intrinsic desire to learn. There is something soul-nourishing about growing our understanding of something in this world. So whether it be learning a new skill, joining a book club, reading about history, or any of the myriad of methods of growing knowledge, this is a vital tool in nourishing your soul. When is the last time you learned something because YOU initiated the learning? I’m not talking about having to learn something for school or a job, but because it interested you. Pick up a book, take a class, learn something. It will bring back energy to your soul.
So there you have it, four ways of scratching an itch that sleep can’t reach. Re-energising your soul.
Do you have methods you have found useful in accomplishing this? Why not share those below to help others on their journey.